Girlfriend Time, the Year in Review, and the Next Step...

The last couple of days have been good for my soul. No, make that GREAT for my soul. All women understand that we, as women, need time with our girlfriends. In refreshes and refills our spirits. It lightens our hearts. It is what it is. Men don't need it. Women do.

On Thursday, my girlfriend Prissy invited our "group" to her home for girlfriend time. Four of the five of us were able to make it. This is my Group Therapy girlfriends. We set fabulous goals of getting together every 3 months and then 9 months passes before we reconvene. It doesn't matter, as long as we are able to get together. So, that's what we did. Our friend, Delia, was there in spirit if not in person. We missed her terribly, but we understand that San Angelo is a bit of a distance. At Prissy's we spent HOURS just talking, snacking, drinking wine and catching up with each other. Jo has begun taking insulin for her diabetes. Jeanne's educational consultation business is keeping her hopping. Prissy is loving retirement and has signed on to be a testing monitor just to keep her foot in the educational door. I am struggling to open my winery. Nothing monumental but we hang on to the details of one another's lives because we are a friendship forged during stressful times when we depended upon one another for survival. We love each other as only girlfriends can do. The evening ended all too soon...Jeanne had to go be with her husband who may be experiencing early syptoms of Alzheimers, Jo had to go meet with her sisters to begin getting rid of her dad's "collections" since he is talking about moving to assisted living, and I needed to make some stops before returning home. Already I can't wait to get together with my girlfriends again.

Today, my sister-in-law and I went to Canton. We got there about 9:15 and left there shortly after 2:00. A full day of strolling and buying. I had gotten several VISA/MC gift cards for Christmas and found ample opportunity to spend them. I got some super bargains. I LOVE bargains. One fantastic find was shoes for $2. Yes, that's $2. They are called Onesole Interchangeable Shoes. I came home and looked them up on the internet and a pair of soles with 2 interchangeable tops sells for $125!!! I got a black pair and a cork pair. They come with plain black snap on tops but I can order online, or purchase at listed retailers, various...DOZENS...of tops to snap on and switch up the look or the outfit it goes with. STOKED!! I bought a pair of "jeans" leggings and a top to go with them. I bought a Scentsy type wall plugin for my bedroom. I have ordered one from my daughter's friend, but I wanted another and this one was cheaper. I bought raspberry chipotle salsa, Duckhead sandals, a gorgeous, poinsettia lace table topper for next Christmas, and I forget what else. A great day of leisurely shopping. On the way home we stopped at Applebee's for lunch (dunch? afterall, it was 3:30) and then went to the grocery store for snacks, beer, and a Starbucks drink.

Sitting at home now I am reflecting on 2010 and how very blessed I have been. Highlights: I get to work with wonderful people at Quest, I got to teach summer school (mucho extra cash), I got to travel to San Antonio to photograph a wedding, my grandsons are happy and healthy, Ronnie and I started "Date Night," and I finally got out of the fracture boot.::sigh of relief:

Lowlights: I am working more that I had planned on, I am somewhat estranged from my dad, and I spent almost the entire year in a fracture boot.

All things considered, I consider myself incredibly blessed.

Considering 2011, I am not going to make any foolish resolutions only to break them by Jan. 2nd. I want to be more fiscally responsible and pay off as much of my debt as possible. I must get my health and weight under control. I want to start walking again...I enjoy that simple process and it invigorates me, and I want to get my winery up and running. These are the things that I will focus some attention on, but I will not beat myself up if I am not able to pull all this off.

To you, my friends, I pray that you will find fulfillment in 2011...whatever form that takes. God bless you and have a very happy and productive 2011!

Christmas 2010

The final phase of Christmas was held at the McMahen casa on Sunday, Dec. 26th. I really don't know how to explain it, but this season was so much more relaxing and less harried that Christmases past. Christmas Eve was spent with the McMahen/Morgan family as usual. This year it was held in a banquet room at The Holiday Inn Express in Terrell. Nice. Since it's my year to host it next year guess where it will be...same hotel. No ridiculous cleaning beforehand only to have it to do all over again once everyone leaves. No kids tearing through the house reeking havoc along the way. It was less personal but so much easier. There was room to visit and time to visit. White elephant gift exchange was optional this year. Only about 12-15 people participated. 90% of the gifts centered around some kind of alcohol ::snicker:: and the gift exchange did not take very long. I got a neck massager which I will be returning to CVS for a cash refund or store credit. Ronnie got a cool thermometer thing which you mount in the house but gives outdoor readings. Afterward we returned home and relaxed.

On Saturday, which was actually Christmas Day, we went to Kristin's house to hang out and go out to lunch with them. This was Trenton's year with his dad and so we chose to celebrate when he returned. The day started off pretty good with Carter being playful and goofy. However, he was having to take some pretty frequent breathing treatments for his asthma. Deciding on TGIFriday's for lunch, the Durbs went out the back door to their car and we went out the front door to our car. Soon Kristin approached us to inform us that Carter has just yakked all over himself and the carseat. The decision was made to order Friday's take-out and eat at their house. Ron and Scott left to pick up the food and Kristin and I watched the Christmas parade while Carter napped. Gosh, Mariah Carey is HUGE! I don't care if she is pregnant with twins. Her legs look like tree trunks! That aside, there was a mix up with Fridays but we eventually got our food. Delicious! Scott was concerned about my persistent cough so he left to get me some Dayquil. Carter gave himself, and his toy dinosaur, breathing treatments throughout the afternoon, and finally Ron and I headed home.



Once home I set about making the spice cake and chocolate pies for the next day. I also boiled the eggs for deviled eggs and dressing and made a loaf of homemade bread (okay...it was in the breadmaker, but still I made it). I did everything that I could do the night before and finally went to bed around 3 a.m. Up at 7 a.m. I checked on the turkey and set about putting things together to go in to the oven. I actually got a short nap in before the kids started arriving.

Ryan and Rich were the first to arrive. They put the gifts under the tree and Rich went straight to the sofa and fell asleep. He was sick, sick, sick. Ended up in the ER later that night. He awoke only to eat and open gifts. I felt so badly for him. He was miserable and it showed.



Our menu was a staple...but delicious nonetheless. Mimosas to enjoy while waiting for dinner to finish, smoked turkey, ham, dressing, bread, green bean casserole (supplied by Kristin), sweet potato casserole, cranberry sauce, spice cake with cream cheese icing, chocolate pie, peppermint and cinnamon cookies and sopapilla cheesecake. Yes, I went overboard on the sweets. We also had tea, beer, margaritas and crown. May have gone overboard on that, too! ::shrug::

After lunch we opened gifts. Carter is hilarious! He opens a gift and then wants to play with it rather than open more gifts. Trenton is so precious. He came and hugged us after every gift he received from us. Our gifts seemed to be a hit with everyone. Carter got a drum set that he banged on all evening. Trenton got Ben 10 leggos that he played with in between snacking. Ryan and Scott both got gift cards to upgrade their iphones, and Rich got a recliner that he had picked out. Kristin got a kindle which she immediately fell in love with.

The highlight of the gift giving is Trenton's gifts to everyone. Kristin takes him to the Dollar Tree each year and he picks out something special for each person on his list. He puts a lot of thought into his gifts and they are delightful. This year Scott got a light up ax (glowstick), Ryan got a Santa figurine, Rich got a purple frisbee, Ronnie got a tape measure and I got a black and red watch. Kristin got a female figurine. "Trenton and Carter" also got their mommy a special gift with a booklight and a B grade horror DVD. She loves cheap horror movies. This one had four movies on one DVD. Example: "Boy Eats Girl"...he loved her for her brains. How cheesy but she was so excited.

Ryan took a sick Rich home and later Kristin and Scott took the boys home. The cleanup began. I stripped all the Christmas decorations and piled them in the corner under the Christmas tree. Today, I packed those away for next year. House is back to normal...whatever that means.

Tomorrow we are going to meet Kristin and the boys at Chuck E. Cheese. I am also going to get my nails done, return the neck massager and go to Kirkland's to spend some of the gift cards my kids got me.

As I said when I started this blog, the pace was slower and Christmas was so much more enjoyable this year...even though I have been sick for two weeks! Let's pray that 2011 brings us a year of health and happiness and joyful times with the ones we love.

Happy New Year everyone!!

A Reminder for the Season...

I sat outside tonight to watch the lunar eclipse. Beautiful! It was incredibly quiet...the moon started out so bright...the breeze was blowing...the wind chimes tinkling...a peaceful, beautiful reminder of our Creator. The eclipse was breath-taking. The peace...a soothing balm for the busy, stressed soul. Enjoy the pics...the closest you can come to reliving the event with me.

I reserve the right to be pissed off....

Why is it that those you care the most for...the ones you trust the most...are able to cut you to the core. Sometimes I hate people. This is one of those days.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

I saw it last night...the first Christmas commercial on television. It may not have actually been the first to air, but it is the first that I have seen. It seems that every year Christmas gets pushed earlier and earlier on the unsuspecting public. While I love Christmas...my favorite holiday...I prefer to celebrate Halloween before Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving before Christmas, Christmas before New Years, etc., etc., etc. You get the picture, I'm sure.

I must admit that this year is a bit different. In just a few short hours I will leave the house to meet my daughter and off we will go to FINISH my Christmas shopping! I have never had my shopping done so early before. I stress over getting it done...though I have NEVER not been ready when the celebration actually begins. This year I started shopping several months ago. I had to get things done early this year because we are leaving on December 4th to spend the night in Galveston with 10 of our closest friends ::snicker::. Actually, the 11 of us are leaving the following day on a 7 day cruise to the Bahamas about Carnival Cruise Lines. If it wasn't a party cruise line before it certainly will be when we get on board. Headed out with us are BIL & SIL Glen and Carlene, neighbors Vince and Judy, neighbors Freddy and Kay, neighbors Joe and Timpy and niece Shannon. I am so looking forward to this cruise. But I digress... Suffice it to say that I would not enjoy one minute of the cruise if my shopping wasn't finished. I am a worrier. That's what I do.

Last year Christmas shopping seemed so easy because the kids all wanted money. For some reason this year seems even easier. Each close family member (i.e., son, sons-in-law, and daughter) gets one big gift and then a nice stocking filled with somewhat expensive goodies. Not the usual Target Dollar Spot stuff that I am accustomed to. My son and one son-in-law are getting...oops, I forgot that Scott may have access to this through Kristin's blog. Sorry to disappoint, Scott, if you do read this blog, but there will be no hints for you. The other son-in-law is getting a recliner. It's no big secret. It's what he asked for. He even found it at Overstock.com and sent me the item number. How easy is that?::chuckle:: I am fairly certain that he will not be surprised on Christmas. My only problem with that is "How does one wrap a recliner???" My daughter is getting the perfect gift. No, Kristin, no hints for you either. Dad and Dad-in-law (does that make him a dil?::he he he::) are getting Wal-Mart gift cards. White elephant gifts and close friends are wine baskets and I am making personalized etched wine glasses filled with peppermints for the staff at Quest. I have several gifts already wrapped. Yea, me! I am feeling pretty good right now.

As Kristin and I hit the stores today I will start AND FINISH Christmas shopping for both of my little boys. Being "old" I don't pay close attention to the toy market. It has become our habit for Kristin to pick out the toys, put them in my basket and walk to the register with me so I can purchase them. A hard day, right? LOL Not only do I get my Christmas shopping done, I get to spend time with my daughter..my best friend. I get to talk with her without interruption. I get to observe the beautiful and intelligent young woman she has become...though she will be "old" soon. Turns 30 on March 24th. Just kidding, Kristin. With your spirit you will NEVER be old. Again, digression. Anyway, this has become a very special and meaningful time for me.

When I leave Kristin and return home with a car load of goodies, I will drag out the decorations, drink a little wine, put the tree in place, drink a little wine, wrap the gifts, drink a little wine, Christmasize my house, drink a little wine and fall into bed with a sigh of contentment and a smile on my face. Once again, I will be ready for Christmas...only this time I will be able to relax and enjoy the season without the stress of last minute minutia.

Oh, my gosh! Thanksgiving is next week! What in the world am I going to fix for the family pot luck??? I'd better get to the store. But, oh wait, I have to make a list first...then decide what I am going to wear, then ................What are you laughing at??? I said stressing is what I do!

Happy Holidays everyone!!

"F You, too."

Sometimes I hate myself. I am so damn gullible and easily manipulated. You'd think that I would learn, but no...

The signs were everywhere and I didn't see them. I can't really blame anyone but myself, really. If I was half the mother I aspire to be I would have stepped in a long time ago...but I let guilt get to me. Sympathy overrode my common sense.

My daughter doesn't come to the house and visit or bring the boys because she doesn't want them around my dad.

My son, because of something my dad said, will no longer see his grandfather. Apparently on top of being a drunk, my dad is a liar as well.

As a mom I should have told my dad he had to go. I felt sorry for him. He has no one else. He has nowhere else to go. He lives on a fixed income and times are tough. The biggest excuse of all...he is my dad. I am all he has. I can't abandon him.

After his last drunken episode Daddy was told that the trailer had to go. He's been fixing it up "to sell it" for several days now. He asked for the title that I had filed a couple of days ago because he wanted to "look it over." I believed every word of it.

Tonight the proverbial shit hit the fan. Daddy went to the doctor today for tests on his legs. He chose not to come home tonight...went to my cousins house instead. I know that he and my cousin go to the VFW together so...I called him and told him that I had taken off work tomorrow and would go with him to an alcohol assessment program in Oak Cliff. His immediate response was no, Oak Cliff is dangerous. When I told him that it was non-negotiable he said we would talk about it when he got home tomorrow. I said, "No, we are going to the assessment tomorrow. Be home by 10:00 a.m." He said he probably couldn't get up and get home that early. He told me to go on and go to work tomorrow and we would talk about it. I told him no, I was off work and we were going. Ronnie got on the phone and said, "Luther, you're going or you can't live here anymore." Daddy proceeded to call Ronnie a son of a bitch and then attempted to hang up on him. He failed to disconnect however and I listened for almost five minutes to him telling my cousin that he was going to leave Sunday anyway as soon as we went out of town. I heard him lie about not knowing why we wanted him to go to assessment because he hadn't been drinking. I heard him call my husband names when all we have attempted to do is provide him with a home. After about 5 minutes I hung up, called him back and repeated word for word the lies and names I heard him call. I told him he is no longer welcome to live in our home because he lies about us, manipulates us and is a stinkin' drunk who won't get help. I told him that I will not sacrifice my marriage on the alter of his drunkenness. He said, "Sis, I don't want any hard feelings." I said, "You know, it's too late for that." He thought he hung up on me when he turned to my cousin and said, "I showed her. I hung up on her." I overheard stories of him saying he was going to get the sheriff and come get his stuff. He doesn't need a sheriff. His shit is packed and waiting on him. He said something, too, about getting a gun. I don't know if it was a threat or not, but if I find out that he was threatening to bring a gun to my home to coerce us to do something I will make sure that his unstable ass is committed.

Bottom line...I have had it. His living here for one year has taken it's toll on both of us, on our home life and on our marriage. I won't allow that to happen. If my father decides to drink himself to death...that will be his choice. He won't let us help him. It will be what it will be. And I am okay with that.

Thanks for Sharing...

My business partner and I left last Thursday and headed 4 1/2 hours north to Bricktown, Oklahoma. We were headed to a winery there called "Put a Cork in It." The owner, a delightful man named John, and his stepdaughter, Morgan, were allowing us to invade their space for two full days so we could observe and learn from them. Ron came up on Saturday and jumped into the winemaking process with both feet (figuratively speaking).

I can't tell you how much I learned...or how much FUN I had. Not only did I get to bottle, cork, seal and label a wine called "Red Dirt Road," I got to conduct wine tastings with customers and sell them glasses and bottles of wine. I got to stock the wine racks, wash the glasses...do it all. It was a BLAST!! Oh yeah, Morgan even insisted that I take my tips! LOL!! Saturday was b..u..s..y!! They sold $2000+ and they are only open from 1pm to 9pm. We were hoppin' the whole time. It was an incredible experience and I can't wait to get my winery open so I can do this all the time!

I have to stop here to tell you that John and Morgan are some of the most giving, unselfish people that I have ever met. John did not hesitate to give us tips and shortcuts and tell us of obstacles to avoid. He shared his "secrets" such as the tools he has developed himself and even gave us his password to accounts so that we could look at wholesale prices for equipment and supplies. He is kind and patient and easy to develop a relationship with. After just a few minutes I felt we were lifelong friends. Morgan is a precious young woman of 26 who treated us as equals rather than the rookies we are. She gave help when needed and was generous with her time and help.

In addition to the wealth of knowledge (and 2 bottles of Red Dirt Road!) that I took away from this experience is the committment to provide that same type of unselfish mentoring to anyone who approaches us at Once Upon a Vine for our help. Not all lessons are "head" lessons...some are lessons of the heart. Thank you, John and Morgan, for sharing with us. May we continue to be friends for many years to come.

Deja Vu...and Screw You

My dad threw a giant, if figurative, "Screw You" at me last night. Not that I am all that surprised. Ronnie had been warning me and I had been fighting it...and him. Comments like, "You just can't forgive and forget, can you?" or "Does nobody get a second chance with you?" or even, "What about innocent until proven guilty?"

What am I talking about? Ronnie had tried to tell me that he thought my dad was still drinking. I vehemently denied it and said that there was no "EVIDENCE" to back that up...only his speculation.

It was more than speculation when we came home from a wonderful day playing with our youngest grandson and then out to eat with my boys and my BIL and SIL. My dad's trailer door was standing open and the keys were in the door. The trailer was completely dark and it was already dark outside. Just inside the door my drunk-on-his-ass father was lying in the floor where he had fallen. He is 5'5" and weighs 180 lbs. Not a lightweight. It took Ronnie on one side and me on the other lifting and tugging and pulling to get him to his feet. It took us over half an hour to get him from the trailer into the house. He got as far as the living room when he just buckled to the floor. We didn't have the strength to get him up. He lay in the floor for about 10 minutes while we got our strength back. During that time he peed all over himself. Great scene for a daughter to witness. Did wonders to my respect for him. Finally we got him in bed. I went to bed...after apologizing to my husband for refusing to listen to him. He only wants me to not get hurt again. I understand that...but he was talking about "My Daddy."

About 20 minutes after I went to bed I heard Ronnie turn on the shower. I lay there in the dark thinking about this mess when I heard a loud crash. Ronnie flung open the bedroom door and said, "Help me. He's fallen in the bathroom." Seems Daddy had gotten up to wash his face or something and splashed water everywhere. Then his crutch slipped on the watery tile and he crashed to the floor. We got him back in bed and I got pissed. I got the keys to the trailer and Ronnie and I went out there and found the stash of beer cans (all empty) hidden in the microwave. Oh, no. He wasn't keeping secrets or trying to hide anything. Didn't find any unopened cans or any other liquor but we did unload and bring all of his guns in the house and hid them.

Today will be a day of reckoning. I intend to tell my Dad that he has to move. No, he may not take the trailer. He will sign over everything to me and he will move into assisted living. Period. I will go through and empty the trailer and sell it. He is no longer going to have that option. His only other option is to enter Alcoholics Anonymous if he wants to stay here. He went to 2 meetings before and quit because it was too smoky. They offer it at the church now. The trailer still goes. And he will spend NO nights away from home. It seems when he went to the lake with his girlfriend he was drinking down there and she knew it. He has quit going by her house and has been stopping off at "a friend's house" where he has been drinking as well.

The bottom line to all this is that I turned a corner today. I am not crying. I am not hurt. I am not upset. I am matter-of-fact and the fact of the matter is that I just don't want my dad living with me anymore. I don't want to know how stupid he can be. I don't want to lose any more respect for him...if there's any left to lose. I don't even like the man he has become and I don't want to be around him. He is a conniving, secretive bastard who has been gloating at my blind allegiance while he took advantage and played me for a fool. I'm done.

Stupid Is as Stupid Does...

It's no secret that I have the fifth broken bone in a foot in the last 10 months. In November, 2009, I broke the 3rd and 4th metatarsals in my left foot. Then in April I broke the fifth metatarsal in my right foot. Thirty six hours after getting out of the fracture boot I broke the second metatarsal in my right foot. While in the soft cast I broke the fourth metatarsal in the right foot. So, with all that you'd think I would take it easy, right? Right? Not so much. Yesterday I went to the fair with hubby and the big boys. We spent seven hours walking around the midway, through the new car and exhibition buildings and just generally enjoying the beautiful Sunday afternoon State Fair atmosphere. Toward the end of the day my foot was "complaining." During the night I was awakened numerous times with throbbing in my foot. Today, I couldn't even go to work. My foot is too sore to even stand on. It is swelling so badly I may have to cut the soft cast off just to get circulation going. It burns like a fire inside my foot.

I get it. I deserve this. I should have known better and should have taken better care of me. But, in my defense, the lure of the Fair...the beautiful day...the opportunity to spend time with my boys...it was an offer I couldn't refuse. Now, when my SIL calls and says, "Hey, ya'll want to go to the Fair with us?" I wonder how I will respond???

The straw that broke the camel's back or the step that broke my foot?

Well, I'm a bit discouraged right now. No, I'm a lot discouraged. See, I have had this problem with first my left foot breaking and then my right. I totally understand why the left foot broke. I participated in the Susan G. Komen 60 mile 3-Day Event in Dallas last year. After 38 miles I had stress fractures. No big deal...seven weeks in a fracture boot and it's all good. Except it's not. Took that stinkin' foot 6 months to heal where it no longer hurt when I walked. Then in mid-July I broke the metatarsal bone (one leading to the toe) on the baby toe of my right foot. Okay...six more weeks in the fracture boot. By this time the boot is wearing out and I'm having to hold it together with extra velcro. This time the boot came off on Labor Day. To be clear, that's Monday, September 5, 2010. On Wednesday morning (two days later) my foot started hurting again...but not in the same place. I figured it's just the transition back to shoes. Well, the pain went on for two weeks before I went back to the doctor. He said, "I think you've torn a tendon. But you need to see a specialist." So, today I left work early and headed to see Dr. Steven Branchau, a foot and ankle specialist. I LOVE him!! He is so friendly and personable. Really easy to talk to and doesn't throw doctor speak at you. Yep, you guessed it. ANOTHER broken metatarsal. This time it's the second little piggie...the one next to the big toe. The bottom line is that my metatarsal bone leading to my big toe has shifted away from the other bones and is no longer providing the support they need. Those bones just roll and move around when I walk now. Dr. Branchau said it's like a piece of wire. Bend it back and forth enough and it's going to break. Every step I take bends those bones. So, as I sit her now in pain from the manipulation and positions I had to put my foot in for x-rays, I am in a "soft cast" and an "unna boot." Basically that means I am in a cast to the ankle that firms up but remains flexible so my ankle can bend. On top of that is an ace wrap. On top of that is a giant, ugly black post-op velcro shoe. After a couple of weeks in this we will decide whether to stay with this or go back to the boot. I HATE the boot and am never going back to it if I have my say. As to the future...looks like orthotic inserts in my shoes may keep me from having to have surgery. Yea for no surgery!!

One Giant Leap for Womankind...

Well, the word is out. I guess the understatement is that I can't keep an exciting secret to well. I keep secrets that others tell me. I just can't keep my own!

For those that haven't already heard, I am in the process of opening a winery in Rockwall with a business partner. My partner chooses to remain anonymous at this time since she is afraid that association with this endeavor will jeopardize her current employment.

The exciting part is that we have rented a sight.

The dull and boring part is that we are in the process of writing a business plan, applying for a loan, applying for federal and state permits, etc. The mundane of opening a business. We are incredibly excited and believe that this business is going to be a hit...located in The Harbor.

I am blogging our progress. I am just not ready to publish that blog yet.

FYI:
*We have someone who will stain our concrete floors.
*We have someone working on the logo.
*We have someone who will install our sound system.
*We have located all the equipment that we will need except the beer tap
*We still need someone who can construct the bar area but we have made contacts in that area.
*We have researched and located all the merchandise we will carry.
*We will make our own wine!
*You will be able to batch your own wine for special occasions!
*We have a marketing manager.
*We have a winemaster to make the wine.
*We hope to be open on or before Feb. 1, 2011

Now, you're up to date. As soon as I can, I will make the blog public.

The Sequel...

Just a short update on my last post:

Daddy seems to be doing better. Answer to prayers.

I have lost 10lbs. on my diet and have not cheated once until today (more on that later).

I love my new iphone! My Facebook posts have increased dramatically!!

Now, as to the cheat...a friend and I are seriously exploring the feasibility of opening a winery in Rockwall. We have visited with several winery owners/operators. We have taken field trips to wine shops. We have done internet research and we have even met with one banker who referred us to another bank that provides small business loans. We are serious about this. Today, Brandy and I took a road trip to Houchatown, Oklahoma (yes, that's a real place) near Beaver's Bend State Resort. There is a winery there called "Girls Gone Wine." It was started by three women who had no business experience but who wanted to open a winery. One of the owners, Michelle, sat with us for over two hours and let us pick her brain. She took us on a tour of the production facility next door and answered every question we could think to ask and many that we didn't. She was fabulous and is willing to work with us in a consulting/mentor mode. Yea!!! They have been in business four years and have already had to expand their business. The cheat part comes in where we participated in the wine tasting (tiny sips) and drank one full glass of wine. I will simply cut carbs somewhere else and be extra careful for the next few days.

On a totally non-related note, my sleep study revealed nothing that I didn't already know...I have Restless Leg Syndrome (I already take medicine for that and my doctor upped the dosage). My blood work is okay except watching that lupus titer. And...I may be able to take the boot off next week if my foot has healed enough when I go in.

School starts on Monday so I am about to be really busy again. It's a kind of busy that I enjoy. Oh yeah, and I hear that we are in for a cold front. It's only supposed to be in the mid-90's next week!::shrug::

Ron and I had our pictures made with the grandsons (Kristin's suggestion). We buy a coupon for a free 10x13 portrait each year to support the McLendon-Chisholm Fire Department. We usually give the coupon to Kristin for the boys or for their family, etc. This time she suggested that we have OUR picture made with the boys. Now why didn't I think of that???


I only wanted the group shot...until I saw the rest.

My Favorite Little Buddies...


Trenton Dayne


Carter Michael

Am I not just the luckiest Nana in the world???!!!

That's about it for now...I will keep you updated!

To Be or Not To Be...That's not really the question!

I'm really torn. I love sleeping until 9:00 or 9:30 daily. I love afternoon naps on the couch. I love the freedom to eat or drink what I want when I want and to go to the bathroom whenever I need to go. I looooovvvvveeee the luxury of taking a bath in the middle of the day. Don't know why, but that speaks to me in a way I can't explain. I do, however, hate being broke. Thus the dilima.

Students report back to school next week and along with that will come the need for subs. Job opportunities for me mean giving up my freedom to do whatever, whenever. It means entering a blistering hot car at the end of the day in order to come home. It means an end to boredom and a renewed beginning to a sense of purpose. It also means the additional money that I need to cover the incidentals and flexible expenses. The money to shop ahead for Christmas...to fund my trips to Winstar and Shreveport...to do whatever, whenever. Hmmmmm. Why does that phrase sound so familiar?

Either way...the start of school (and work) means fall is just around the corner. With fall will come the end of the triple digit temperatures that have hammered us for twenty straight days this summer. Oh, yeah. Now I can chill on their dime and get paid in the process. Not a bad arrangement.

Happy "Back to School!!!"

I'm melting...

You might think that a reference to the heat. While it must be true that Satan left the door to hell open and all that heat is escaping, I wasn't really referring to the heat. Not that I am negating the impact of fourteen straight days of triple digit temperatures...I am simple referring to my diet plan.

I went to see my doctor recently because of various complaints. Among those complaints was that I have put on nearly 50lbs. since I retired in May, `08. Regardless of what diet I have pursued, I have played with gaining and losing the same 3lbs. So, enough. I admitted that I needed help. I'm tired all the time...can't find anything that fits...can't breathe in this heat...look and feel like sh*t. Doctor S suggested a nutritionist supervised diet plan. I met with her the next week.

Give me a plan...I can and will follow it. I don't cheat. Especially if there is accountability. There is. I began my diet on a Wednesday and immediately lost 2lbs. over night. I lost another 2lbs. the next day. Then, my body realized what I was doing and the weight loss slowed to a more reasonable number. I have been on the diet for 9 days now...have not cheated...and have lost 6.8lbs. Yea!! My target is 50lbs. I have a cruise to the Bahamas scheduled for Dec. 5th and I want to feel good and be able to do the activities on our excursions. Not to mention, I don't want to look like a beached whale in my swimsuit! Whatever, this time when I lose the weight I hope to learn how to transition back to regular eating...and drinking! Wish me luck! This old dog is trying to learn a new trick!!

A Jumble of Thoughts...

I had a doctor's appointment recently. I had a couple of issues...tired all the time...can't seem to lose weight...and my foot hurt. So I went for a "short" appointment and over two hours later I left his office. I had to have more blood work done and there is one test that I have to watch...a lupus titer. Not that I have lupus...just the possible propensity to contract it. My blood pressure was high...first time since I was pregnant 20+ years ago. I had to have another sleep study and am awaiting those results and my right foot has a fracture so I am back in the boot until the end of August. No idea how I broke the foot...unless it was those "cute little flip flops" that had absolutely no sole and no arch support.::sheepish grin::

Upon leaving the doctor's office I met my SIL for a "little shopping." After I put my boot on we headed out and were gone until nearly 10:00 p.m. trying to find those Skeechers shape up shoes for ourselves and hubbies. Found 'em, but had to go to Rockwall, Forney, Greenville and Athens to get them all! As if that wasn't enough, we went to Canton the next day to shop for Yellow Box sandals. Found out that Yellow Box split and another company opened called "Grazie." I found the exact shoes that I wanted in bronze and white!! And Grazie is actually more comfortable and cheaper than Yellow Box!! :-))) While in Canton I was persuaded to purchase a couple of the long shirts with capri leggings. I had always thought, "I'm too old for that style." However, there were older than me wearing them and, to be honest, I LOVE them. They are so stylish and comfortable!!

Daddy had day surgery to repair a pinched nerve in his elbow. It went well but he requires more assistance since he is "the one-armed man." I am concerned about how quickly he seems to be going downhill. He is having difficulty getting out of a chair and it takes him a minute or so to get his legs under him. He is very unsteady when he first stands up. He is afraid, now, to be left alone. When Ron and I left for church tonight he asked that I leave him the neighbor's phone number in case he fell. He knows that he wouldn't be able to get up without help. It's sad but he keeps plugging along. He has booked a cruise for himself and his girlfriend to the Bahamas at the end of January. I hope he has the strength to go. I think it will be his last.

On a brighter note, my SIL and I took a friend out for lunch at D'Vine Wine. I guess we had a good time. Between the three of us we drank 4 bottles of wine!! Sounds like a good time to me::snicker::

We are quickly approaching the start of school again and with that it seems that I have something happening every day. Ron and I are going to get away for a very short couple of nights to a cabin in Lake Palestine. We aren't taking anyone with us this time. Just the two of us sleeping in, swimming, laying in the sun, reading, and relaxing. After that I need to meet with a banker to discuss financing for a business that I am interested in starting. I also need to get my tatoo touched up.:-)

I hesitate to report it, but I have started a medically supervised diet. I don't want to report it because I don't want to fail...again. But, I think the accountability will help me. In the first two days I lost 4lbs. I was encouraged and I refuse to cheat. So, maybe....

Well, I'm thinking that I have rambled enough. I must get back to playing blackjack on my new iphone!

Take Nothing for Granted...

My dad's girlfriend lost her son this week. Ernie had apparently been "blacking out" off and on for a while. He did not go to the doctor or have it checked out. He ignored it. Turns out he was having strokes. He had another major stroke this week and died on Wednesday. He was only 54.

Live for today for you are not promised tomorrow. Take nothing for granted. Live each day as if it is your last...it may very well be...and if it isn't then do the same thing tomorrow. Condolences to Lila on the loss of her son. Godspeed, Ernie.

Time for Change...

The last couple of weeks have been...interesting. Ronnie and I took Trenton to Lake Palestine for a couple of days. We swam...fished...played mini-golf...had a great time. We have continued with our concert nights...great bands. Went to Shreveport and played a ton of Blackjack and Flop Poker. Lost. Went to the doctor.....that's where it gets really interesting.

I went to the doctor yesterday because I just lack any form of energy...my allergies are kicking my butt...and my right foot has begun to hurt and swell. Bottom line...I'm going to hell in a handbasket. I need another sleep study because he thinks I am having sleep apnea. My blood pressure is a little bit wonky...not bad...just not as great as it has always been. I need to lose weight so I will be seeing a nutritionist beginning next week. And, oh, my foot is broken so I will need to enroll in water aerobics for therapy. Damn!

When my left foot had stress fractures last November, I knew exactly how I had done that. This time...haven't a clue. This is the OTHER foot and this is an actual break in the bone. Apparently I did whatever within the last couple of weeks because it was already showing signs of starting to heal. I'm still going to be in the fracture boot until the end of August, however.

One of my friends said that I need a vacation..."one foot at a time." Not a bad idea!

Time keeps on driftin' into the future....

Oh, my goodness! It has been two weeks since I posted. Time has certainly flown. What's been going on...I want to say "nuthin' much," but let me think about it a bit. First, there was Trenton's birthday party and that was a blast. My oldest g'son turned 7...7! He is such a big boy and yet, he was just born...


Let's see...after that celebration we moved in to July. There was July 4th pizza and fireworks at my house. Love hanging out with the family. We had a good time eating, playing board games (though some nameless people cheat!) and shooting off fireworks. No near deaths with the firebombs this year. Just a couple of hot spots from the stupid sparklers and punk sticks! Everybody seemed to have a good time. Carter was mesmerized by the fireworks...either that or the fact that he was up 4 hours past his bedtime!


Went to Shreveport on July 5th with some girlfriends. Lost my butt...enough said. Still had a good time. Love spending time with girlfriends, too.

Been keeping up with the Concerts by the Lake every Thursday night. Such an enjoyable evening! We go to Agave at 4:30 and have a couple of beers before going to a restaurant for dinner and then on to the concert. My friend, Brandy, has begun to join us and we have a great time laughing, talking and people watching.

Speaking of my friend Brandy, we went on an outing together...a shared common goal...we got tattoos! I have been wanting to get a tattoo ever since I walked in the Breast Cancer 3 Day 60 mile walk last November. I broke my foot on that walk and wanted to get a breast cancer ribbon tattoo on that spot to commemorate the event. My foot finally healed to the point where I could follow through on it. Brandy went with me...my partner in crime...and she got a Care Bear Star tattoo on her foot.




All in all, the last two weeks have actually been packed with activity. Guess I had better end this post and take a nap. Just reading it has made me tired!

Stick a fork in me, I'm done...

My how the last four weeks have flown. I agreed to teach summer school in Rockwall. I was assigned to teach 7th grade Texas history while my teaching partner, Stacey Hatten, taught English. I swear we just started, but today was our last day with students. I had forgotten how much I adore teaching. These kids, summer school kids, were not there to get ahead or because they wanted to be. They were there because they failed. Yet, despite it all, they performed for us. Not just performed...they did quite well. Summer school is "project based management" which means that they are taught the material they need to apply the information and complete a major project which is then presented before a panel. I taught about the history and development of Texas, how immigration affects Texas and how the geography of our state impacts our economic base. Our students then had to take that information, form their own communities, write their own constitution, develop their own immigration policy, select a location for their community, develop an economic base and select symbols that represented their community. Tall order of business but they came through.I was very proud of them and in four short weeks developed an attachment for some of those little buggers. I am, however, ready for a break. Shreveport...here I come.

When you wish upon a star....

Be careful what you wish for...you might just get it. All my life I have been "blessed" with naturally curly hair. At the time I entered my teenage years the "in" thing was long, straight, silky hair. I had to work like a demon to get that look. Washing, sitting under a bonnet style hair dryer, and ironing my hair, literally, with an iron and ironing board, helped me approach the look. Throughout my life I have had to beat my hair into submission. Within the last year I gave up the fight and went for the curly look. When I got tired of it I would cut it short. My hair isn't curly when it's really short. I decided to let my hair grow out this last year. About six weeks ago I got it trimmed and decided to add the layers and bangs back into my style. Looked great for about a week. Then...HUMIDITY strikes. The heat wave moved in and the humidity came barreling in like gangbusters. With it my hair developed a life of its own. I began to look like a walking brillo pad...bushy hair springing out in all directions. Enough of that crap! I decided to straighten my hair...not with a flat iron. I mean REALLY straighten it...with a chemical straightener. For the first couple of days I couldn't stop touching my hair...it is sooooo silky and soooo soft. AND SOOOO STRAIGHT!!! My hair cut, which could best have been described as "shaggy," was desperately in need of a trim. Got that tonight. Now all I have to be concerned about is the fact that my hair is sooo straight that it looks like it's painted on my head...not the most attractive look. No, I will NOT post a picture. I think I will wash it tomorrow morning and let it dry naturally...see if that puts some "oomph" in the do.

Hot Fun in the Summertime...

Good Lord in Heaven! It got hot, Hot, HOT so very early this summer. I feel like I am melting every time I step outside of the house. Which kind of makes it difficult that I am teaching summer school four days a week for four weeks.

I leave home Monday thru Friday at 6:45 a.m. to get to work by 7:00. It is already hot and stuffy when I step out of the house. Stepping into the school I am greeted by a rush of cold air. What joy! I feel like I have died and gone to heaven. But then 2:30 p.m. comes, the kids are dismissed and I have to pack up and go to my car. The same car that has sat in the hot sun all day long. What a load of crap! I am already dripping sweat and my clothes are sticking to me by the time I get the door unlocked and crawl behind the wheel.

On the plus side, I am having a ball teaching summer school. I can't believe that we are already one fourth of the way through. The neat thing is that these are 7th graders and I am hearing things like, "You're the best history teacher that I have ever had!" and "I really like the way you teach history.You make it fun!" That is joy to my ears. To love what you do and get money and compliments for it is like the best feeling in the world.

So, as I continue battling this heat, at least I have the joy of doing what I love. But, I can't say that I will be sad when July rolls around and I get some time off. I may not leave the house until October or November...when/if it finally cools off.

Congraduations!

Friday night was the night I have been waiting for all semester. The culmination of an entire semester of working one-on-one with seniors to help them graduate. We got through it and reaped our rewards Friday night at the Quest Graduation ceremony. Like a mother duck, I was proud of my "babies" and captured their magic moments for posterity's sake.
Preston

Taylor

Mareya

Whitney

Tony

Congratulations to all MY graduates!!

Livin' the good life...

Last week was an incredible week for me at work. It started off slow, but then things picked up on Tuesday when Whitney "graduated." I picked up a new student...a junior with dyslexia and all sorts of other issues who needs help with English III. The problem is that the school is changing computer programs next year. They will no longer use Apex. So...any student that doesn't complete their course work this school year loses that work and that credit. So, I am working like crazy to get Dylan through Walt Whitman, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Willa Cather, etc. We should finish the first semester tomorrow and start on the second semester. In the meantime, I had two more of my kids "graduate" on Friday. I wrote about Taylor earlier. His mom is a bitch and kept telling him that he couldn't do it. Now she's all giddy and wanting to take credit for "pushing him through." She is clueless and doesn't merit my time so I'm moving on. Taylor knows that it was the staff at Quest that believed in him and helped him and that's all that counts. On to Meredith. What can I say about Meredith? I first met Meredith last fall when I subbed in Choice for Mr. Freeman. She was 21 years old at the time and coming back to school for her diploma. First meeting and we hit it off. She told me how stupid and out of place she felt. Said she should just get her GED but she really wanted a diploma. I told her she wasn't stupid at all and I admired her determination. I said I realized how hard it had to be for her to attend school with 16 and 17 year olds. She is so much more mature than them.

Flash forward to three weeks ago. I found out that Meredith was not going to be able to graduate. It's now or never for her. She is too old to return next year. I went to the counselor and asked what all Meredith needed. She needed to finish English IV, US History second semester, Art, Spanish II and PE. No one believed that she could do it. I asked if I could work with her. Then I went to Meredith and talked with her. I told her that if she wanted to graduate I would help her get it done. All she needed to do was be at school every day and come in early when she could. She agreed. Nobody believed she would come in early but the next day she was there two full hours before she was supposed to be. We got started...and the rest is history (no pun intended).

Last Friday Meredith and I stayed late (till about 4:20) trying to finish her art module. We did. We also talked. Meredith told me that she was excited because now she could see the light at the end of the tunnel. She confessed that she had stopped believing in herself because she didn't see anyone else believing in her. She said, "I am graduating because of you." Of course, I cried. Then I said, "No, Meredith. You are graduating because of YOU...you did the hard work. All I did was keep encouraging you."

I found more than a student in Meredith. I found a reminder...a reminder of why I got into education...a reminder that people do know and care what you think...a reminder that everything you do affects someone else's life. I also found a friend.
So thank you, Meredith, for the lessons that you taught me and for helping me reconnect with my passion about teaching!

Happy May Day...

Today is May 1st. Okay, it was really yesterday, but I was gone.

Wow. Time is flying by at an amazing rate.

Ron and I will celebrate 31 years of marriage on Tuesday, May 4th. Thirty one years? Is that possible? Where has the time gone. We were married, then we had babies, and now we are both "retired." That last is in quotes because if you follow my blog you know about my "retirement."

Anyway...This weekend we decided to celebrate by going to Winstar in Oklahoma and spending the night at the casino hotel after a day of gambling and a Neil Sedaka concert. I will leave out the intimate details of our getaway since my daughter reads this blog and right now she is saying, "Eeewwww." Back to the concert: Sedaka may be 71 but he is still incredible. Still has the voice and OMG, the songs! I didn't realize all the artists that he has written for or who have recorded his songs (Elvis, Sinatra, Patsy Cline, Bobby Darin, David Cassidy, Captain and Tenille, Connie Francis to name a few of the DOZENS). Songs like...Calendar Girl, Breakin' Up is Hard To Do, Where the Boys Are, Solitaire and the fabulous song he recorded with his daughter..."When you walk into a room, you know you steal my breath away...When I look into your eyes I find it hard to find the words to say..." Old songs, new songs. Fabulous!

But, I digress.

It was our anniversary getaway. Gambling fun. Concert fun. Staying at the casino hotel because it was "convenient."

Okay, we paid a lot of money for this room, but it was gorgeous. Brand new. Lush. Bedding to die for. Quiet...no noise in halls or walls. I slept like a baby.

While I will probably NEVER pay $200 for a hotel room again...it was a nice experience...as these photos will show. Okay, they don't do it justice. You would have had to be there...but then, that would have been weird.

Okaaayy...





So...happy 31st anniversary to my wonderful husband, Ron, and may we have at least 31 more together. I love you.

Congratulations!

Would it be inappropriate to dance naked at a graduation ceremony??? I am pretty sure that I have stated before, maybe more than once, how much I love my job. I work one-on-one with seniors in an alternative setting to help them finish the courses they need for graduation in just a few short weeks. So far, I have helped Tony, Preston and Carmen graduate. Carmen is the latest success story. She "graduated" at 11:27 a.m. today. I am currently working with Taylor and tomorrow I pick up Whitney. Taylor needs to finish economics, take government and finish horticulture. We started economics on Monday and he will finish it tomorrow. Whitney needs economics, government and sociology. We start working on government tomorrow. I hope to be able to work with Taylor and Whitney simultaneously. Then she should be able to finish economics by May 1st and sociology by May 10th. Cool, huh?

When Carmen graduated today I had my camera ready to take our picture together. She had the sweetest card ready for me. She thanked me for taking an interest in her and for taking time to help her realize her dream. She has absolutely no idea that I get more out of this than what I put into it. I'm telling you, it is the perfect job. I consider it a fringe benefit to get paid for this...doing what I love.

So, congratulations Preston. Congratulations Tony. Congratulations Carmen. And congratulations to Taylor and Whitney for what I know they will accomplish in the next three weeks. Thank you for allowing me into your life. I am proud to be part of your success.

Oh, by the way, see you guys at graduation on May 28th. I'll be the one with the camera and the big silly grin!

Carol and Tony


Carol and Carmen

Them's Fightin' Words...

Let me start by saying, "I love, Love, LOVE my job!" After 30 years in education I am in a position that I can name names and see faces of the kids that I am making a difference for. I helped Preston and Tony complete graduation requirements last week. Today I picked up two new students, Carmen and Taylor.

Carmen is a self-motivated single mother of a three year old. She is finishing her education in order to provide better for herself and her daughter. She is delightful to work with and so very appreciative. She does, however, have a problem with reading comprehension. That is why I am working with her. I started working with her on economics today. She had already begun the course, but we cranked it up and produced a lot of work today. We should finish the course by next Tuesday and will start government on Wednesday.

Taylor is a different story. He is a very bright young man who has gotten himself into some legal problems. From what I have been told, that is totally understandable. Cutting to the chase...his mother is a first class BITCH. Apparently she verbally kicks him in the crotch every chance she gets. Look, I understand being frustrated with your kid...even angry. I can't and won't ever understand undermining their efforts to better themselves. Taylor wants to graduate in May. He has to finish horticulture, economics and government. His mother is telling him, "You can't do it. You won't do it. You'll never make it..." She is a dream crusher. She is a leech. She is a bitch. I want to punch her in the face and I have never hit another person in anger in my life...okay, I spanked my kids,and I was probably angry at the time, but that doesn't count.

When I heard about Taylor's situation today, I got really pissed off. How dare she? It became my personal challenge to prove her wrong. I want Taylor to graduate so he can get out of that poisonous household. I want him to follow his dream...going to community college and working so that he can afford to finish his degree. I want him to SUCCEED beyond all of our wildest imaginings. I want Taylor to be able to say, "I told you so," and then turn and walk away to a better life.

I am grateful today. Grateful for the support I had growing up. Grateful for the sacrifices that were made so that I could get an education, so that I would be able to support myself as an adult should the need arise to do so, grateful for a nagging mother who kept me motivated, grateful for the economic sacrifices my dad made so that I could have all of my needs, and many of my wants, filled. Grateful that I am in a position to be able to physically observe the difference I am making. Grateful for the opportunity to get up each morning, go to work, and leave at the end of the day with a smile on my face.

I am blessed beyond all reason. I want to be a blessing to Carmen and Taylor and whomever comes my way next. Thank you, God, for this opportunity!

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater...

Okay, I will admit up front. I am NOT very creative. However, I can copy just about any idea I see. I'm really good at that. Almost a year ago I went to an art show at the lofts where my niece lives and works. It was really very fun. Hobnobbing with the artists (even if unknown), drinking wine and eating cheese and grapes and checking out other people's creative endeavors. I got to see some really great photography and I fell in love with this "painting" of a heart. I was enamored with it. I asked the artist how she did it...and SHE TOLD ME. Okay, like every other human being on earth, I've been drawing hearts since I first picked up a crayon. So, I can make a decent shaped heart most of the time. I decided then that I would reproduce that painting. When my boys got their house in August I thought, "That painting would make a good housewarming gift."

Okay, eleven months have passed, but why get into a rush? Last week I finally bought a canvas. Why? Because I was walking through Big Lots and they had a shelf full and I thought, "Oh, I could make that heart painting." Simple as that. Once I had the blank canvas sitting around I had to get started. Took me a couple of days to lay down a good base coat. Once I had an even brown tone I took a pencil and sketched in a heart shape. Sound difficult yet? No, okay this is the interesting part. Next, I broke out the tub and tile caulk and laid down a flat base over the heart shape. Let it dry a couple of days and then started layering on the texture. Once that dried, twenty four hours give or take a few, I sprayed over the caulk with gold spray paint. That took about 5 minutes to dry. Then the final touch...two or three coats of red on the interior of the heart and...voila...it is done.

This may not be everyone's taste, but I love it. I love the texture. I love the contrast in colors. I love the simplicity. I simply heart my heart painting. This one is for Ryan and Rich. There's a part of me that says, "Gee, I hope they don't want it so I can keep it." But really, I hope that they love it as much as I do. I can make another for me!

Eat your heart out!!

Thank you, Quest...

As most/all of you know, I retired in May 2008 after thirty years in education. I taught middle school in Dallas for two years. I taught 6th grade one year at a private Christian school and then I taught high school for ten years. After that, I moved into educational administration. I spent the next sixteen years as a campus level administrator. When I retired I was quite literally burned out. I spent so much time in meetings, paperwork, working with data, planning for testing, testing, etc., that I simply lost my passion for education. It was a job.

Now, however, I have my passion back. Shortly after I retired I decided I still wanted to work and so, going with what I know, I returned to the classroom. Teaching. My first love. Shortly after I started subbing I got a call to sub at the alternative school in Rockwall. That one time is all it took. I work almost exclusively at the alternative school. Troubled kids...or kids in trouble. Doesn't matter. Some are 16 and some are 20. Doesn't matter. What matters is that for the first time in a long time I feel that I am making a difference. I work mostly one-on-one with young men and women who are anywhere from 1/2 to 2 credits short of graduation. My job...get them through by May. I have one 20 year old that I have gotten through Economics, English IV and now, we will finish his last course, government, at the end of this week. Woohoo! Way to go, Tony! I'm so very proud of you!! Another student that I began working with this week, Julio, is in a credit recovery program. I worked with him one day and we finished five units and the first semester of World Geography. He was so sweet and so appreciative. It doesn't take much of that to stroke your ego which in turn fuels your passion. I think, "If I wasn't here...making time for these kids...how would their lives be different?" I wonder how mine would be different as well. It's good to have my passion back!

The principal at the alternative school, which is called Quest, is a jewel. She and I worked together when we both taught high school in Rockwall. Many years ago. She is so good to me...maybe too good to me. She treats me as a peer rather than as a "lowly temporary employee." She talks to me about things that matter. She gives me all the leeway that I could possibly want in my working situation. This week, when my personal problems with my dad surfaced, Sherry didn't ask any questions other than to ask what I needed. I was nearly two hours late to work, it was obvious from my swollen eyes that I had been crying, and I was pretty shaken. When I walked in Sherry simply took me into her office, closed the door, sat beside me and asked, "What can I do to help you?" She listened to my brief description of the morning. She asked if I needed to go home. More importantly, when I said, "Sherry, I need this. I need to be here. I need to be doing something productive," she trusted me. She knew that regardless of my personal issues I would not do anything to have a negative impact on the students. I appreciate her trust.

Apparently I am one of those people who wears my feelings on my face. I am usually a happy, smiling person who greets everyone with a grin and engages them in conversation. I am a people person. I love people. Tuesday, it must have been apparent that I wasn't having the best of days. Numerous people stopped me to ask if I was okay and wouldn't take the generic, "I'm fine," as a final answer. They care about me. They reached out to me. They hugged me. They checked on me all day. They are precious.

So, for my Quest family I made a cake. Food is always a good way to say, "Thank you." This was my second attempt at working with fondant and it turned out better than the first. Not perfect, but better. At least this time the fondant covered the whole cake ::snicker:: I had fun making it and hopefully they will have fun eating it. Quest family...I love you. Thanks for welcoming me into your inner circle and letting me share the passion of teaching and the joy of your friendship.

Oh, yeah. Enjoy the cake!!

Dark Chocolate Fudge Cake with Brownie piping and Chocolate Dipped Strawberries

The Final Straw...the Sequel

My last post, The Final Straw, detailed my dad's struggle with alcoholism and how we were struggling with it as a family. On Tuesday he announced his intentions to move out since we wouldn't let him drink. This was after a five day drunken binge. I finally told him, "Do it. You will not continue to drink and live here. I can't handle it anymore." Thus the morning ended in anger, frustration and tears.

Scene 2: Ronnie had ball games to call Tuesday afternoon/evening and I had dinner plans with friends. In the meantime, I went shopping after work...partly because there were things I needed...partly to avoid going home. I just didn't want to deal with Daddy after the morning that we'd had. When I got home about 8:00 Daddy came out of his trailer and met me at my car. He said, "Sis, can I stay if I make some changes?" Keep in mind that moving out was HIS idea...not mine. I said, "Sure, under the following conditions...there will be no more drinking. Not here. Not at a restaurant. Not anywhere at any time. Period. Secondly, you will go to Alcoholics Anonymous to get help because you can't do it alone and apparently we are not enough help for you." Imagine my shock and surprise when he said, "Okay." And to totally knock me off my feet he said, "And I won't spend the night in the trailer anymore. I will come in the house to sleep."

I told Daddy that I would go to AA with him...at least the first time. How does someone work and go to AA? The meetings in Rockwall are at 2:00 p.m. every day. That's the ONLY time. Guess I will take a day off and take my Dad to AA next week. It's a start. Wish us well and pray for us. This is a battle he will fight every day for the rest of his life. If he is honest and gives it his best Ronnie and I will be right there fighting with him and for him. The light at the end of the tunnel is a pinpoint...but it's a light!

The Final Straw...

My friend, Ron Travis, lost his dad this weekend. I lost mine this morning...though not in the same way. Ron's dad died. Mine chose an alcoholic's life and drunken binges over a relationship with a loving family. Make no mistake, Ronnie and I love him dearly. He is the only remaining member of my birth family...my connection to little Carolyn Goines. But I don't like or respect the man who has been on a drunken binge for the last week in his trailer behind my home. This same man who has done this to me on three other occasions and each time promised it will never happen again. Enough.

I don't like issuing ultimatums and in fact, did not tell him he had to move. He said, "I'm gonna move my trailer." I said, "That's fine. Your choices are to either QUIT DRINKING PERIOD or move. When you do, know that you are choosing alcohol over a relationship with your daughter." We have offered him help, I have cooked his meals, I have literally washed shit out of his underwear because when he drinks he loses control of his bowels, I have done his laundry, his shopping, everything. I have practically been a surrogate wife. I have been the caregiver of a child. I'm not asking for a pat on the back. I am doing what I have WANTED to do...what I feel is every child's obligation to a sick or aging parent. Daddy, on the other hand, feels that it is his right to ignore us completely and treat us to lies and disrespect when he is drinking. This time, to keep him from sneaking in the house while we are gone in an effort to avoid us, we disconnected the power to the garage door. He doesn't have a key to the house and he can't lift the door. We put the code on the door specifically for him to have access to the house whenever he wanted it. He used it as a method to avoid us when he knew that we would know he had been drinking. As long as we can't "prove" it he feels like he can lie his way around anything. Daddy started drinking last Thursday night. Today is Tuesday. During that time he snuck in the house for a shower on Friday afternoon but his behavior gave him away and I asked him about it over the phone on Friday. He denied drinking, though I knew differently. We were home most of the day Saturday...but even while gone he still had access. We were home all day Sunday but he couldn't come in because he was passed out drunk...and we were home. He tried to come in Monday night while we were gone but by then we had disconnected the power. This morning he had the nerve to stand in my kitchen and tell me that he hadn't eaten in three days because we locked him out of the house and he couldn't get to his food or medicine. I told him he was a liar. He hadn't eaten in three days because he had been passed out drunk. When we told him the timeframe on disconnecting the power he didn't have any comments. Yet, he will tell his girlfriend, my cousin, and anyone else who will listen that we made him move and that we locked him out and he couldn't get to his food or medicine for three days. I know he will. I am making some preemptive phone calls today.

I can't do it anymore. I feel like a hypocrite. My brother, Bob, was an alcoholic. There is a long line of them in the Goines family. I watched my brother in his last months become a debilitated old man. I watch him turn golden yellow a week before his death when his liver stopped. I watched him his last three days after his stroke and when he struggled for every breath he took. I was forced to make the decision to remove him from the ventilator. I was forced to make the decision to move him from ICU where he was taking up a bed for a patient who had a chance at recovery. We moved him to a quiet room at the very end of a hall and sat with him his last ten hours as we watched his breathing get slower and slower and finally just stop. I wondered at the time why Daddy wasn't there EVERY day, like I was. I wondered why he didn't drop everything and rush to the hospital when I called him and told him that Bob was having hallucinations and was fearful that Daddy was being hurt by some men that were chasing them. I wondered but I didn't press. Now I know. Daddy was angry at Bob. He told any and all about the effects of Bob's drinking and disparaged Bob for being an alcoholic. All the time Daddy was sleeping with a bottle of whiskey by his bed and would wake during the night and take sips. It's a pot and kettle thing. When Bob died, my heart broke into a million pieces because it was all so unnecessary. It was...stupid. It was useless. It was futile...and I was impotent...unable to do anything to "fix" the problem. I am, by nature, a fixer. I couldn't fix Bob, and I can't fix my dad. I can't fix it that a relationship with me, Ronnie, Kristin, Scott, Ryan, Richard, Trenton and Carter isn't enough. I can't fix it that a relationship with Glen and Carlene, my BIL and SIL isn't enough though they have adopted him as if he was their dad. I can't fix it that I have always come in last in the Bob and Carolyn race. He wants to die. He wants to drink himself to death. He wants to "go be with Mom and Bob." He does not care what it is doing to me, though he says it does. I am in the way.

No, this is not a pity party. I am not asking for understanding. I am not asking for any taking of sides. I am not asking for anything, I don't guess...maybe prayers for strength? I am just venting and reasoning things out in my head while my heart shatters. I want my Daddy. I don't want Luther Goines, the man who refuses to love me. I want my Daddy, though it seems he doesn't want me.

Why is it that we want most the things which we cannot have? Riddle me that, Batman, because I sure as hell don't understand. And I'm hurt. And I'm mad. And I just want to wrap myself in a blanket and go to bed and sleep for a thousand years...except there are people I love that and I could never in a million years do that to...because I know what it feels like to be shut out. And I am done with this. I will do what must be done and manage the guilt later...I hope.

Lights...Camera...Action

Today was opening day for the Texas Rangers. Traditionally my daughter, son-in-law and a large group of their friends arrive at the stadium about 9 a.m. and tailgate before and then after the game. They cook out, the play games, they drink beer...they have a good time.

Since Ron and I are the only ones who have ever kept the g'sons, we make a day of opening day as well...just in a different way. I got up at 5:15 this a.m. to drive to Plano so the grown kids could get on their way. Trenton went off with them and they dropped him off at school on the way. My task was to take care of Carter...feed him, dress him, play with him, and enjoy him. I also had to pick Trenton up at 2:45 when he got out of school and keep both boys until their parents returned home about 7 p.m. Today, Ronnie was SUPPOSED to have an appointment with his cardiologist. Don't know what the mix-up was but the doctor wasn't even in today and his appointment didn't get changed. Whatever. About 11:00 Ronnie showed up to bring us lunch and stay and play with the boys. That's where the fun began.

Carter took a two hour nap from 11:00 - 1:00 so when he got up he was in a terrific mood. He was all smiles and giggly and ready to play. His lunch, a Sonic grilled cheese and fries, by this time was two hours old...but he didn't care. While Carter ate and played with his food and his Popaw, I remembered my camera. Getting it from my purse I snapped a few dozen pictures of the boy eating. He must have gotten a bit put out with me because at one point I got "the brow."


After some face-smashing with the grilled cheese, I remembered that my little camera has a video mode so I just happened to turn it on and got the following...


I laughed so hard I nearly peed on myself. Carter was speaking Japanese and then this gigantic belch eminated from this tiny little body with no obvious effort. Of course, he didn't understand why we were laughing so he just stared at us. Every time I watch the video I giggle like a little girl. It's just funny.

After Bubba (Trenton) got home we took some pictures playing outside. As we walked home Trenton got a snow cone and made a couple of wishes on a dandelion. Popaw and Trenton played a little baseball, Trenton played with a rolly-polly, and Carter just played. All in all, it was a great day!

Trenton's Dandelion Wish...hope it comes true!


More Fun...