Okay...I don't normally let people know the things that get to me...because often family members are guilty of at least some of the "infractions." It's not always family...more often than not it is complete strangers that figure out a way to push my buttons. However, this Christmas season I am patting myself on the back because I have experienced each of the following issues and have yet to kill anyone. Call it the Christmas spirit, if you will, or tolerance or whatever PC term you wish to use.
You may not give a damn one way or another, but if you wish to be in my presence and live to see another holiday season, you might want to know my "Top Ten List of Things That Make Me Go Postal."
1. People who ask dumbass questions. I am on crutches. Don't stop me in the middle of my struggle to hobble through a store and ask me, "Are you hurt?" or "Are you okay?" I am on crutches you frickin' moron. Hell, no. I am not okay and yes, I am hurt. What kind of mental giant are you that you have to ask?
2. Women who are too good to sit down on a toilet seat so they "hover" and pee all over the seat...and don't wipe it off. Seriously? Have you ever known anyone who got a toilet seat disease? What makes you think that I want to sit in your pee? By the very nature of it being a public toilet that means your bacteria-laden DNA covers and then dries on my butt until I can get to my shower to wash away your yuck. You disgust me!
3. Self-appointed experts who have to loudly share their unique genius and perspective with everyone within a 25 foot hearing range. Recently I attended a hockey game. I love my Dallas Stars. I have been to literally hundreds of games and watched even more on television. I understand the game. I do NOT wish to hear Mr. Expert give a play by play of the entire game to his novice friend who has never attended, seen on television, or even heard of hockey before this particular night.
4. Companion to #3...Don't try to pretend that you have a personal relationship with each and every player. Just because you know their name, have watched them play, maybe even gotten their autograph...that doesn't mean you are new best friends. Hell, I have ridden in a golf cart with Nicholas Grossman and hugged and had my photo taken with Marty Turco, but neither of them would recognize me if we walked past each other on the street. Yelling out, "Come on Grossi" or get "Get on that puck , Otter," does not presume intimacy. Give it up you celebrity wannabe.
5. Malfunctioning coffee machines. I love my flavored coffee. My favorite is English Toffee. However, it pisses me off to pay $3 for a large cup of English Toffee coffee and when it cools down enough to take a sip it is watered down sludge. Get the mixture of powder to water right, Mr. Middle Eastern convenience store man! (Was that too harsh?) How hard can it be to read the label and put the appropriate amount of powder in with the water. The machine just mixes it so don't blame it on the machine.
6. Companion to #5: Seriously, who drinks boiling water? Why would you think that I would want my coffee at a temperature that immediately scorches every taste bud and leaves gianormous blisters on the surface of my tongue. I actually like to enjoy the TASTE of my coffee. Call me crazy, but that's just the way I am.
7. A-hole drivers who own the road and can't be bothered to extend common courtesy to other drivers. Just because you are in the lane doesn't mean you own it. Change lanes if you can while others are trying to enter the freeway. Don't speed up so they have to either floor it or slam on the brakes. Does it matter that you get there 2 1/2 seconds later because you allowed another driver to safely enter the roadway? Call it an act of Christian kindness if you must...just get the hell out of the way.
8. People who want me to see something so they lean across me and point at it...thus sticking their obnoxious arm and/or hand in my face right in my eyes. Do it again and I will bite you. I'm just saying...
9.People who can't say "Please" or "Thank You." My son-in-law is one of the most respectful young people I have ever met. Though he hates to ask for anything, when he does ask for something he always uses the nicest manners. He also says "yes, mam" and "no, mam" to me EVERY time. Old-fashioned manners, I know, but speaks to the integrity of the man.
10. People who presume to know my taste in movies/food/books, etc. You are not me. Don't tell me that I will like or dislike something just because you do. I may think you are a blithering idiot and just be too kind to make you aware of that fact. I am gracious that way. I am not you and you are not me. I am an adult who is perfectly capable of deciding for myself whether or not I like or dislike something. Even if my reasoning is flawed (in your opinion), I have the right to my opinion and it is not stupid just because it differs from yours. So, spread your propaganda somewhere else. This chick has a brain and she knows how to use it.
Well, I guess that just about sums it up. I'm really not hard to get along with if you just steer clear of the "danger zones." Is that asking too much. In this season of togetherness with family and friends, I thought it would be a good idea to just put this out there in the interest of peace and harmony.
Merry Christmas everyone!~carol
Honeymoon/Birthday!
9 years ago
4 comments:
Nope. Number 10 is wrong. You WILL like Band of Brothers. If you don't, you're a communist. And I don't care if I piss you off. I'm your daughter. I think it's in my job description. :)
It must be in your job description since you do it so eloquently, however, while you may be right in this instance, I staunchly maintain my right to make up my own mind!;)
you can't make up your mind about something you haven't attempted. If Trenton were here, he'd sing the "Try it, you might like it" song.
It would be worth it just to hear him sing the song!
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