A Trenton kind of Christmas...

It's a holiday tradition...which has become the highlight of my Christmas.

When our kids were little we would take them to the dollar store at Town East each Christmas and let them pick out Christmas gifts for Grannie and Papaw, Uncle Bob and Cassandra and Ronnie and me. Ronnie would take in one child to shop and then I would take in the other child to shop. After that we would switch and take the other child in to shop for the other parent. Sounds confusing, I know, but we had it down to a science and the kids left the store with bags full of gifts for less than $20. They loved shopping for their own personal gift-giving and we always got a kick out of the gift we received. Many of mine remain on display in my curio cabinet to this day.

Kristin has continued that tradition with Trenton. Each holiday season she takes him to a dollar store and allows him to pick out a gift for each of us. In the past gifts have ranged everywhere from birdseed to puzzle books. He always has a rationale for his gifts...that's what makes them so funny. This year I joined in on the other end and took him shopping for mommy since he can't buy for her when she is with him.

For some reason, my gifts always seem to make sense. He really knows me and the things that I do/enjoy. In the past I have gotten things like a crossword puzzle book (he's seen me working sudoku puzzles), Christmas decorations (I love for each room of the house to have at least a little Christmas decoration) and a stuffed Christmas reindeer that worked its way into hanging from a lamp this year. One year I got cereal bowls with built in straws that we still use to this day. Yes, my gifts seem to always make sense. Others, not so much.

Ryan has been the recipient of a bag of birdseed and reindeer antlers. Ronnie once received a ceramic Indian style vase that could easily serve as a bong. Kristin gets to enjoy his rationale when he is making his purchases but then neither can remember what he had in mind at the time so it makes it that much funnier.

This year was no exception...except that most of the gifts...most...made more sense. I offer the following into evidence...

Uncle Ryan, a new home owner, received gardening gloves.


Papaw, who writes everything down, received a spiral notebook.


Scott,who knows why, received a bag of fish shaped chip clips.


Richard received a pair of silver sunglasses. His sunglasses from Trenton last year were blue. What is it with Richard needing sunglasses?


I received a green nylon waterproof bag with an outside pocket that is a perfect fit for my new Kindle reader.

Kristin received a plastic wineglass with a Christmas tree decoration (because she likes Christmas trees) and a ceramic dog with a blue Christmas hat (because blue is her favorite color).


Ronnie received a plastic ax. The Viking kind of ax that you would use if you pillage and plunder. Not sure he's going to be pillaging and plundering any time soon but he is certainly prepared if he decides to do so.


As Trenton grows older and his gifts begin to make more sense I am left to wonder how Carter will see us when he goes Christmas shopping????

Where the broken heart still beats...

I got my heart broken tonight...again.

I am 55 years old. I should have known better. Maybe I'm just a slow learner. Maybe I trust too much. Any way you look at it, I feel disappointed to the very center of my soul.

As I write this my 81 year old father is sitting out in his trailer drunk. Yes, he's started drinking again. He left home yesterday to run some errands and when he came back he went to his trailer rather than coming inside. He called later in the evening to say that he was just going to spend the night in his trailer rather than come inside. I should have known then. I didn't. I trusted.

After going all day without seeing or hearing from him I called him. No answer. I called again. No answer. I went out there. When I knocked on the door he said, "Let me get some clothes on." I stood outside in the cold another 5 minutes before I just opened the door and went in. There on the table was the tell-tell plastic cup with the straw in it. When I said, "What are you drinking?" he said it was beer. Could have been. I suspect it was really wine. That's the way he drinks it...in a plastic cup with a straw. I don't really care what he was drinking. He was drunk. When I said, "You're drunk" he just looked at me...that stupid drunken stare when they are trying to process what you said and can't quite get a handle on it or how to respond. It makes you want to slap the crap out of them. He went on to start crying saying, "I've got things on my mind." That's what he always says but he never quite tells you what these things are. Needless to say, I am not feeling as sympathetic about this after then tenth time of hearing it. When I said, "Who doesn't? We all have things on our mind but you don't see us sitting around drinking ourselves to death" his response was, "I'm ready to blow my fuckin' brains out." I said, "I'm not listening to this" and I turned and walked out.

I don't know what else to do. I understand his need for his own "space." We have that need as well. I do all his laundry. I literally wash the shit out of his underwear because he doesn't have good bowel control. I change his sheets and keep his room neat. I fix his meals and make sure that he eats to keep his strength up. Ronnie takes care of all his trailer needs such as water, emptying the tank, waterproofing it, etc. We have done everything we can to make him feel that our home is his home. I have even helped the man take his shower when his arm was in a cast from his last drunken episode. We have included him in our social circle to make sure that he has activities and friends. We have even booked a cruise to be taken in January because he has never been on one and we want to share that experience with him. In essence, we have done everything we can think of to let him know that we love him, we want him with us, and we enjoy having him around. Ronnie lost his dad when he was 9. While his stepdad has always been good to him, he didn't "do things" with him. Ronnie has enjoyed doing things with Daddy. I have enjoyed getting up and having coffee with him in the mornings. It gives us a special private time to visit.

I know that the holidays were somewhat sad for Daddy. My mom has been gone five years now and my brother has been gone almost three years. Trust me, I know that he misses them. I lost them, too. I miss them, too. But I am not about to let something that I can't change ruin the time that I have with the people I still have with me. I'm not going to alienate the people who care the most about me.

So, what now? What do I do? I am totally at a loss and my heart hurts. I'm a fixer and I can't fix this.

Home for the Holidaze...

Okay...I don't normally let people know the things that get to me...because often family members are guilty of at least some of the "infractions." It's not always family...more often than not it is complete strangers that figure out a way to push my buttons. However, this Christmas season I am patting myself on the back because I have experienced each of the following issues and have yet to kill anyone. Call it the Christmas spirit, if you will, or tolerance or whatever PC term you wish to use.

You may not give a damn one way or another, but if you wish to be in my presence and live to see another holiday season, you might want to know my "Top Ten List of Things That Make Me Go Postal."

1. People who ask dumbass questions. I am on crutches. Don't stop me in the middle of my struggle to hobble through a store and ask me, "Are you hurt?" or "Are you okay?" I am on crutches you frickin' moron. Hell, no. I am not okay and yes, I am hurt. What kind of mental giant are you that you have to ask?

2. Women who are too good to sit down on a toilet seat so they "hover" and pee all over the seat...and don't wipe it off. Seriously? Have you ever known anyone who got a toilet seat disease? What makes you think that I want to sit in your pee? By the very nature of it being a public toilet that means your bacteria-laden DNA covers and then dries on my butt until I can get to my shower to wash away your yuck. You disgust me!

3. Self-appointed experts who have to loudly share their unique genius and perspective with everyone within a 25 foot hearing range. Recently I attended a hockey game. I love my Dallas Stars. I have been to literally hundreds of games and watched even more on television. I understand the game. I do NOT wish to hear Mr. Expert give a play by play of the entire game to his novice friend who has never attended, seen on television, or even heard of hockey before this particular night.

4. Companion to #3...Don't try to pretend that you have a personal relationship with each and every player. Just because you know their name, have watched them play, maybe even gotten their autograph...that doesn't mean you are new best friends. Hell, I have ridden in a golf cart with Nicholas Grossman and hugged and had my photo taken with Marty Turco, but neither of them would recognize me if we walked past each other on the street. Yelling out, "Come on Grossi" or get "Get on that puck , Otter," does not presume intimacy. Give it up you celebrity wannabe.

5. Malfunctioning coffee machines. I love my flavored coffee. My favorite is English Toffee. However, it pisses me off to pay $3 for a large cup of English Toffee coffee and when it cools down enough to take a sip it is watered down sludge. Get the mixture of powder to water right, Mr. Middle Eastern convenience store man! (Was that too harsh?) How hard can it be to read the label and put the appropriate amount of powder in with the water. The machine just mixes it so don't blame it on the machine.

6. Companion to #5: Seriously, who drinks boiling water? Why would you think that I would want my coffee at a temperature that immediately scorches every taste bud and leaves gianormous blisters on the surface of my tongue. I actually like to enjoy the TASTE of my coffee. Call me crazy, but that's just the way I am.

7. A-hole drivers who own the road and can't be bothered to extend common courtesy to other drivers. Just because you are in the lane doesn't mean you own it. Change lanes if you can while others are trying to enter the freeway. Don't speed up so they have to either floor it or slam on the brakes. Does it matter that you get there 2 1/2 seconds later because you allowed another driver to safely enter the roadway? Call it an act of Christian kindness if you must...just get the hell out of the way.

8. People who want me to see something so they lean across me and point at it...thus sticking their obnoxious arm and/or hand in my face right in my eyes. Do it again and I will bite you. I'm just saying...

9.People who can't say "Please" or "Thank You." My son-in-law is one of the most respectful young people I have ever met. Though he hates to ask for anything, when he does ask for something he always uses the nicest manners. He also says "yes, mam" and "no, mam" to me EVERY time. Old-fashioned manners, I know, but speaks to the integrity of the man.

10. People who presume to know my taste in movies/food/books, etc. You are not me. Don't tell me that I will like or dislike something just because you do. I may think you are a blithering idiot and just be too kind to make you aware of that fact. I am gracious that way. I am not you and you are not me. I am an adult who is perfectly capable of deciding for myself whether or not I like or dislike something. Even if my reasoning is flawed (in your opinion), I have the right to my opinion and it is not stupid just because it differs from yours. So, spread your propaganda somewhere else. This chick has a brain and she knows how to use it.

Well, I guess that just about sums it up. I'm really not hard to get along with if you just steer clear of the "danger zones." Is that asking too much. In this season of togetherness with family and friends, I thought it would be a good idea to just put this out there in the interest of peace and harmony.

Merry Christmas everyone!~carol

Pass the tape, please...

Well, it's official. I am done. All the shopping is complete and the gifts are wrapped. The stockings are stuffed. Now, I think that I will just sit back with a glass of wine and enjoy the lights! Sheer bliss!

Worries....

I must admit...I am worried. Yesterday, I lost my balance and fell back on my left foot. Ordinarily...not a problem. But, since I am in a fracture boot and am supposed to keep all weight off my foot for four more weeks...this kinda presents a problem. Ever since that little incident my foot has been "burning." It's a really strange sensation where my toes feel like there is an electrical current attached to them. I'm thinking that is not a good thing. Especially since when I went to the orthopedist after experiencing this same sensation for a couple of weeks he told me that a couple more bones had fractured. I'm really hoping to be out of this fracture boot when I return to Dr. Burney on Jan. 5th. We have a cruise to the Honduras and Costa Maya planned that begins on Jan. 23rd. It's hard to snorkel in a fracture boot. It's also hard to do all that walking. I'm getting the distinct feeling that my foot is continuing to degrade rather than heal and I will be in this stinkin' boot, or worse, by the time the cruise rolls around. After Dec. 18th I won't be working for 2 1/2 weeks so maybe I can stay off my foot more and give it a chance to heal. Who knows? As of now...I am officially worried.

Merry Christmas to All...

This Christmas has been significantly different than Christmases past. For one thing, it has been less stressful in terms of shopping. The ideas just came to me this year and I made my purchases. I am finished with all shopping except stockings and almost everything for Carter. I really need Kristin to go with me to buy for him. I don't want to duplicate...

This holiday season I have my dad with me. That's different...and nice. I don't know how many more Christmases I will have him so I purpose to enjoy every one that I do have.

Ronnie and I are both "retired" this Christmas, though he is the only one not working. I don't have the stress of work piling up on me to worry about. Also, the McMahen Christmas Eve isn't at my house this year so that makes it extra nice.

Most of all, I have had time to enjoy the season, listen to my Christmas music, watch the lights on the tree, and work in an occasional Christmas program. That is probably the biggest difference. I have made a deliberate effort to enjoy the Christmas holidays and remember the reason that I choose to participate in this celebration of the birth of my Savior.

My prayer for all families this holiday season is that you make a deliberate effort to reconnect with the reason for the season and take time from the hustle and bustle to celebrate the holy birthday of Christ. May you find the peace and joy of the season and have a delightful time celebrating with your loved ones.

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"

An unbelievable week.....

This has been, without a doubt, the most difficult week I have had in a long time. Don't know why, but it seems that everything just piled up on me.

I worked Monday in pain all day...and most of that in a room without heat so it was like 50 degrees and I was chilled to the bone. Thought I never would get warm! It took a hot bubble bath and a couple hours under a fleece blanket for me to feel human again. Tuesday was no better...in fact, it was worse.

I got off work a little early on Tuesday because I had an appointment with the orthopedic doctor. On the way to my appointment I was rear-ended by another driver. No real damage to my car and neither of us was hurt. His car took a beating. Caved in a large section of his hood where it hit my spare tire. My tire cover got a tiny cut. He offered to pay me for the "damage" but I turned him down. He was driving a company car for a new chocolate candy company in Rockwall. Had he offered to pay me in chocolate I might have taken him up on it! On to the doctor I had to wait 90 minutes past my appointment to see the doctor because he had been called in on an emergency and was backed up. Then when I did see him I didn't like what he had to say..."stay off the foot completely for four more weeks." That means crutches and I HATE CRUTCHES!!! I left in tears. A quick dinner with hubby, Ryan, Richard and JC and then home to find out that I couldn't see my grandson in his parade on Saturday and he wouldn't get to spend the night with us on the weekend because he had gotten in trouble at school. So, I cried again. I'm punished because we are "fun" and he is grounded from fun when he is in trouble. :-(

Working on Wednesday was a beating because I tried really hard to use the crutches correctly and stay off the foot. My arms and wrists are so sore I can barely stand it!

Thursday I didn't work. Instead, I took Ryan and Rich out to the Arboretum and Northpark to take pictures for their Christmas card. The decorations at both places sucked! There were NO Christmas decorations at the Arboretum and Northpark had only lighted trees and a few poinsettias. Disappointment all the way around.

I took a job on Friday as a sub for elementary orchestra. Little did I know that I would have to travel to two schools because she is a floating teacher. The good part is that I only had to cover three of her classes. So, I can't really complain about that. I did come home tired however, and immediately fell asleep on the couch for a two hour nap.

I had just awakened and learned that my son had been stranded on the side of 635 with a blowout, but was now safely at home, when my phone rang. A strange number and a strangers voice said, "Is this Carol? I'm going to put your dad on the phone." Panic poured through me as I became aware of background noises and my dad's shaky voice came on and said, "Sis, I've torn up my little truck. I rear-ended a woman on 460. Horns are going off and the police are on their way." Ronnie and I rushed out to the car and raced to his side. He was so rattled he didn't know who had called me or how they had gotten my number. Physically he is fine, but his truck is a total loss. The hummer he hit had minimal damage but being the kind of car it is, I'm sure his insurance will pay a hefty sum to fix it.



Today, my dad and I went to get his "stuff" out of his car at the wrecking yard. A sad little truck sitting broken and shattered in the rain. Daddy had trouble looking at it and I had trouble watching him hurt. Afterwards, we picked up my desktop which is now fixed (yea!) and finished my Christmas shopping...all except the stockings. So, emotionally it has been a roller coaster this week. I'm just glad that it's over!

Wonder what next week holds in store....?