A Labor of Love

I'll start by telling you that I usually don't have the "vision" for creative and/or crafty projects. There you have it...my disclaimer. That being said...I, or rather "we," have started a project. I formerly had this kitchen table that we moved out onto the patio. It wasn't meant to be an outside table...not made of the right materials to handle inclement weather. Needless to say, it is no more. So I was left with these two perfectly good table legs. That's where this process started. Then, after watching waaayyyy too much HGTV, I got the nifty idea that I could resurface this table and have a great outdoor table for entertaining. The adventure begins. After a rather lengthy trip to Home Depot, we left with $200 worth of materials to make a tile topped table. Little did I realize that we could have gone to IKEA and purchased a perfectly fine outdoor table for 1/3 of the cost. Never mind that...this is to be a labor of love and a project we can point to with pride and say, "We did that." So we left Home Depot with the back gate tied in place and an 8 foot board sticking out of the back of Ronnie's car. We also had packages containing backerboard, mastik, tile, tile border, grout, waterproofer, spacers, mastik tools, grout tools and tile sealer. We'll have to go back for the edge trim! We didn't quite make it home without incident. One of the packages fell out of the back of the open gate and we had to stop on a heavily trafficked road and pick it up. Finally, however, we made it home without further incident. Then today, after I repainted the table legs a lovely shade of black, we went into the garage to begin the tabletop process. We measured and cut the board. We got out the waterproofer and sealed the board (even though the directions said it shouldn't be done if the temperature would be lower than 50 degrees in the next 48 hours--what can it hurt, right?). Then, just for grins, we began laying the tile out on top of the board to "see how it will look." If this project EVER gets done it will be a nice looking table. Right now, however, the tile squares and the tile border are two different heights, we are 2 feet by 2 feet short of the correct number of tiles and the tile border will have to be returned. Oh, and by the way, it dawned on me this afternoon that I will need to find some chairs to go with this table. I feel like Dorothy...you know, the one who went to Oz...

Imagine me clicking the heels of my ruby slippers, okay....my gray New Balance tennis shoes, together and chanting, "I will get this done...I will get this done...I will get this done!" Pictures will be posted when/if this project actually comes to fruition.

Cruises, Babies...A few of my favorite things!

Okay. So you MAY have been wondering..."Why isn't she adding to this blog?" Or, maybe not. Maybe you just don't care. Either way...I will remedy my absence from blogging immediately. Allow me to explain. I haven't gone missing because there has been nothing of significance going on in my life. Quite the opposite. There has been almost TOO MUCH of significance for me to keep up with. Allow me to start with our cruise. It was fabulous! We left on September 26th to drive to Florida and set sail on September 28th. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law went with us. We had a great time and it was a wonderful opportunity to get to know them even better. Somehow, when you spend 10 days with someone you walk away with a whole new knowledge of them. We had a great time and didn't seem to experience "too much togetherness syndrome." On Monday, September 29th, Ron and I went parasailing over Coco Cay, Bahamas. For someone who is acrophobic I wondered if I would be able to follow through with our excursion. Not to worry. I had absolutely no fears as we strapped in to the harness and lifted into the air. And....it was incredible! I would do it again in a heartbeat. Everything was awe-inspiring from a height of a few hundred feet. I just kept saying, "This is awesome!" Afterwards we went snorkeling in the bay where we saw a moray eel. Cool! Then I managed to get stung by a jellyfish...had to be a small one because I never saw it but I sure felt it. Not that horrible pain you've heard about but a burning sensation for a while. That evening we called home to wish our son a "happy 25th birthday." I swear it wasn't to say, "Hey, we're in the Bahamas and you're not!" In St. Thomas we rode underwater motorcycles and went snorkeling and it was amazing. There were soooo many fish right in our faces and we could just reach out and touch them. Ron snorkeled and took pictures of a baraccuda that was swimming around underneath the boat while Carlene and I inquired about a good place to have dinner. Little did we know that four hamburgers and four margaritas (total, not each) would cost us $100!! Live and learn. In St. Maarten we shopped, snorkeled and toured the island. While St. Maarten was incredibly beautiful this was my least favorite of the excursions. Why? The bus tour was too long and the driver was hard to understand. The best part of the day was our snorkeling adventure on the catamaran. After snorkeling they played music and served rum punch. Let's just say that the punch was strooonggggg! I went from stone cold sober to giggly drunk in about 5.8 seconds. All of us did. Glen, my brother-in-law, claimed to be sober yet he was up on deck dancing with the female bartender. You be the judge of his sobriety! Back on board the ship we continued with the "drink of the day" and by the end of the evening we were just about the only people on deck entertaining ourselves to dancing to "YMCA" while in the hot tub. Yeah...we were a bit obnoxious. On the way back from the islands we celebrated Ronnie's birthday Saturday aboard the ship and on Sunday we docked in Florida for our return trip home. We drove straight through stopping only for food and bathroom breaks and got back about 3:00 a.m. on Monday morning. What an adventure!

We'd been back less than 48 hours when I began subbing in Forney ISD. I have worked ALMOST every day since. For a retired person I am quite busy. For the most part I am enjoying the subbing experience. It lets me keep my contact with kids and the whole teaching experience without the negatives of paperwork, grading papers, lesson plans, ARD meetings, parent conferences.......you get the point.

Oh, yeah. I scheduled a day off kinda for myself. I decided to take Monday, November 10th, off because my daughter was going to induce labor on that day. Unfortunately, no one told my grandson and he decided to come on Friday, November 7th! Yes, we have a brand new and precious grandson. His name is Carter Michael Durbin and he is a doll. Cute and cuddly and baby smelling little bundle of love. I miss the "turtle head" days when my own children, and when my grandson Trenton, were little. You know the stage...too little to control their head so it bobbles around like a turtle. Something so sweet and innocent about that stage as they try to look at you with eyes that won't quite focus. So now, I am Nana to TWO precious little boys. Life couldn't get any busier...or better...than this!

Good Question...

Really, the song says it all. By Christian singer Mark Schultz, the song is called "Time That is Left."

What will you do with the time that's left?
Will you live it all with no regret?
Will they say that you loved till your final breath?
What will you do with the time that's left?

What will you do with the time that's passed?
Oh, and all the pain that seems to last?
Can you give it to Jesus and not look back?
What will you do with the time that's passed?

What will they say when your time has come
And He takes you in to His arms of love?
With tears in His eyes will He say, "Well done."
What will they say when your time has come?

I have regrets...who doesn't? But the thought of consciously living a life of no regret is liberating. That will be one of my goals. Think before I act or speak so that I enjoy a full and rewarding life of no regret.

Will they say that I loved till my final breath? Dear Lord, I hope so. I do love...dearly and deeply. My husband....my son....my daughter....my son-in-law....my Trenton...my other grandson to be...my dad...my extended family...my friends. Thinking about it...there is really no one in my life that I detest. I am blessed.

What will I do with the pain of the past? I can easily give it to Jesus...it's the not looking back part that I struggle with. If I was Lot's wife I would already be a pillar of salt!! The best that I can do is try.

What will they say when my time has come? Therein lies the question of a lifetime...literally. I pray that they, whoever they are, will say that I was compassionate, loving, charitable, a true friend, honest, a person of integrity and someone they were proud of...someone they loved. Just recently I had a conversation with my grandson and he said, "You're my best Nana ever. I'm always proud of you, Nana." There is no higher praise here on earth. That is a high calling to which I have a tremendous responsibility to maintain. When I get to Heaven, I pray for Christ to look me in the eye and say, "Well done."

Now, to live my life that way from this point forward....

Some of my favorites...

What the hell...?

Okay....finally I get it. I finally feel "retired." And guess what. It feels WEIRD! It finally hit me when school started this week and I knew that everyone was back at work. Summer was officially over....and I had no place to go. Make no mistake...I LOVE being able to work out at 10:00 a.m. or take a shower at 11:30 a.m. or sleep until 9:30 or stay up until 2:00 a.m. reading if I want to...but I have never had this life of luxury before. I went to work when I was sixteen years old and I have NEVER been unemployed since! Okay, there was one day (actually about 15 hours) when I left Lancaster before I got the call from Scurry. Other than that....always had a job. And a paycheck. Now I get this mysterious (and tiny) money appearing magically in my checking account at the end of the month. It just doesn't feel right. And to be honest....I'm not too sure I like it. I feel like I don't have a purpose. I can still fill up a day with activity but it doesn't seem to matter whether I do something today or tomorrow or next week. Like I said...weird. So, guess what I did this week. I made appointments with two neighboring school districts to interview for substitute teaching positions. I know, I know. I thought that once I walked away I would feel so liberated that I would never set foot in a school again. But.......I think it's like a virus. Once it gets in your bloodstream it's just kind of difficult to get rid of it! At least this way I can choose not to work if I stayed up till 2:00 a.m. the night before reading!

Painful Reminders

You know, it never crossed my mind that I would be the only family my dad had left....until it happened. Now, there are frequent reminders and each time I am reminded....I miss my mom and brother that much more.

Daddy is in the hospital...again. This time it's pneumonia and dehydration. His kidneys aren't functioning properly but that is probably due to the dehydration. No, it's probably not serious and will require only 3 or 4 days in the hospital. But it sparked that little niggle of emotion (anger? sorrow? both? more?) that he should have only me to depend on. Make no mistake, I love my dad and I will be by his side through whatever....I just feel that he is somehow cheated by not having other family members to fuss over him when he is having difficulties.

Losing mom was a slow and agonizing process. Her passing was almost a relief. She was in such emotional pain. Alzheimers is a hateful disease. It steals the mind of the one you love and leaves their body behind for a while. You've lost them, but you can't grieve their passing because they are physically still with you. I watched mom regress mentally until she was meek and childlike and would ask me, "Now whose kid are you?" She fretted that she would "get in trouble for being out too late with a boy." She was lost and scared because she didn't know most people and she couldn't seem to get home. The sorrow of her passing was softened in that I knew she would be relieved of her own personal hell.

My brother's death was another story. Unexpected, at best. No long drawn out illness. Just woke up jaundiced one day and two months later we buried him. I remember that a couple of weeks after my brother died I went to the cemetary and just stared at his grave...trying to make it real and make sense of it. After a while I got angry...then I let him have it. I said all the things that maybe I should have said while he was still alive to hear them. I railed at him for drinking himself to death. I reminded him that Daddy was still here and would require some taking care of as he aged and that I somehow always thought he would be there to finally step in and help with things. I cried...I yelled...I laid out the guilt trip...I told him how sad and disappointed I was. But the fact of the matter is that Bob was gone and Daddy was stuck with me. It was a fact that would take some getting used to. Guess I'm not there yet.

Remembering all of that, still when I got the phone call that Daddy was being hospitalized for treatment, my first thought was, "I'd better let Bob know." That's when it hurts the most...when you are suddenly and brutally reminded of the hole in your heart.

You CAN teach an old dog....

I'm 53 years old. I'm retired. I was a professional educator for 30 years. I have both a Bachelor's and a Master's degree. I'm smart...right? So why did it take spending a weekend with a five year old to learn that I don't have a clue?

Ron and I had the distinct honor, and yes, it truly was a honor, to have Trenton spend the weekend with us. During this weekend with "the boy" I learned sooo much. Maybe I already "kinda" knew some of this...but it was reinforced in a BIG way in just 48 hours.

Here are some of the things I learned:
1. Life is a gift. Rip into it with all the gusto of a child tearing into presents at Christmas. Stop what you're doing to sit in the floor and play bingo. Go outside and blow bubbles and then kung-foo kick them into oblivion. Color and then tell everyone how good a job you did. Tell them to post your artistic expression somewhere it can be seen by all. Read a book for fun. Swim till you're too tired to kick your feet any more. Watch cartoons with someone you love. Take time to play in the bathtub. Eat ice cream...with whipped cream...AND chocolate syrup! Look, there is always going to be laundry that needs to be done, floors that need to be vacuumed, dishes to load in the dishwasher. No little work fairies will break in and do it so, believe me, it will be waiting for you when there is nothing more important to do than play and spend time with the ones you love.

2. Live with confidence. It doesn't matter whether your confidence is false or real. What matters is that you have no self doubts. An example? "Remember when I was a little baby and Jovi fell in the pool and I swimmed out and saved her?" No, I don't remember that...but Trenton "remembers" it and is quite proud of himself for saving Jovi. This is not an endorsement of reckless living. If you want to have Popaw check it out first to make sure it is safe before you do something then that will be okay, too. Neither is it an endorsement for lying. It is an endorsement for believing in oneself.

3. Learn to fly. The picture should be self explanatory.

4. Share your wealth of knowledge with others. "Did you know that when you die you go be with God and you don't even want to be here?" Yes, I did know that and I am so proud that my grandson is getting spiritual instruction and demonstrating understanding of some basic spiritual matters.

5. Don't hesitate to tell someone you love them. There is NOTHING in this world more special to me than to hear that little voice spontaneously and unsolicited say, "I love you, Nana." Even when I've made him sad only moments before by saying "no" to something (okay, I admit that doesn't happen often) or failed to notice he was talking to me and he has to repeat himself. Trenton loves me unconditionally and there is no better way to be loved!

I learned so many things that there isn't time or room to post them here. Perhaps I'll continue this lesson in another message. In the meantime...don't hesitate to let people know how important they are to you and how much you love them. We are never promised the gift of tomorrow. But, we do have the gift of today. Live it for all that it's worth...without regrets.

Oh, what a night....

What a delightful night July 4th turned out to be! The entire week had been busy with appointments and things to do and I was looking forward to a relaxing evening. The evening before my good friend Tammy had come over and attended the Petty Theft concert with us. We had such a good time catching up with each other, having a picnic dinner, and then relaxing to the sounds of a Tom Petty cover band. I, of course, took about 100 pictures of the band and sent them to the lead singer but that's a story I'll expand on at another time. Going home I put away the picnic supplies and went to bed knowing that I had no real chores that needed to be done the next day.

I knew from a conversation earlier in the week that Ryan and Richard would be coming out to our house to set off fireworks. I made a quick trip to the grocery store to get the supplies needed to grill hamburgers. Late in the afternoon Friday I got a call from Kristin saying that she, Trenton and Scott would be coming out to set off fireworks as well. Could it be??? Was I really going to get to enjoy my whole family together??

Sure enough, Friday evening came and Ryan and Richard were the first to arrive. Shortly after that Ron got home from work and the four of us set down to a game table to play Rummy. What fun!! Of course, Richard must have the luck of the Irish because he won....again. Soon Kristin and family arrived and thus began an evening of eating, playing board games, riding around on the tractor (Trenton and Popaw) and setting off fireworks....then inside for more board games! We played games until 1:00 a.m. and had the best time.

Trenton is old enough now to understand fireworks and it was delightful to see his little face light up with joy. Of course, the big kids enjoyed their fireworks, too. I was reminded of when my children were little and this same scene was played out each July 4th. Gave me a warm glow.

I'm reminded, too, that next year (for which we are already making plans) there will be another family member joining us for the fun and festivities. He was here this year, in utero, and I understand that he was none too happy about the pops and bangs that were taking place outside his little nest. It will be a different story next year, but I'm not too sure he'll be any more happy about it then...

All I can say about Friday evening is that it will stand out in my memory for a long time to come. It was such fun and was such a joy to just relax and play with my family.

Thank you, God, for family, friends and beautiful times with the people I love. I am blessed!

Retirement or summer vacation...it's all work!

People keep asking me, "Are you enjoying your retirement?" Let me set the record straight...I'm not exactly sure what retirement IS or when it begins. As a professional educator for 30 years, I already had a few weeks "off" each summer. I often chose to work a bit during my time off...things like planning staff development activities, working on the staff handbook, etc. The operative word there is CHOSE. And I certainly didn't choose to do those things the first two or three weeks I had off. So....retirement for me thus far is exactly like summer vacation of years past. I suspect that in August when everyone else goes back to school I will feel the difference...and then I will understand and appreciate being retired.

Speaking of...what exactly do retired people do with their time? So far I have spent my time "off" mowing our three and a half acres, cleaning house, doing laundry, grocery shopping and, oh yes, working on the pool. Just for the record I have now spent another $325 and it is no better than last week...but that's another (very depressing ) story. (I think Jimmy Hoffa's body may be hiding in the depths of the deep end. If so, it's a great hiding place because we may never see the bottom of the deep end again!) My point being I am still just as busy as I was before and a lot more beat up (lost a fight with a hackberry tree and have the scars to prove it).

In my mind's eye I saw retirement a bit differently. I saw myself lounging around either my very clean house or out by my pristine pool and while lounging I was enjoying a good book and perhaps a cocktail or two. My mind's eye lied to me! It didn't tell me how that house got magically clean or how that pool suddenly became clean, clear and surrounded by perfectly landscaped terrain. It didn't tell me that to look decent in a swimsuit while lying around reading I was going to need a body transplant. Crap! I hate to be lied to even if I'm the one telling myself these lies! The reality of it all is....whether this is retirement or summer vacation....it's still a heck of a lot of work!

That Damned Pool!

Okay! I have had it! I am not going to spend my entire retirement (which translates to "the rest of my life") working on "that damned pool." I'm just not. Really...what is so terribly difficult about getting your pool water clean and clear and ready for swimming? Obviously I don't have the answer to that question. We, Ron and I, have been working on our pool since APRIL. It is now June 26th and the water still looks slightly better than Lake Ray Hubbard....only slightly better. Yesterday, in my wit and wisdom, I went to a local pool retailer with a water sample and a credit card. After having the water sample tested and speaking with the cute little guy who works there, I left with $248 in chemicals and assurances that I would be busy all day the next day vacuuming the pool because the chemicals would work their magic and our water would be crystal clear and ready to enjoy. After 38 lbs. of chlorine shock the water is lighter green than the day before. It is nowhere near crystal. As for swimming...I'm not getting in that water! There could be spiders, snakes, turtles, frogs, the undead....God only knows what is in that water at the bottom of the pool. I can assure you of this....if that water doesn't clear up soon I'm going to hit the drain button and let it all pour out...and start over with fresh water from the tap. Now, don't go "GREEN" on me. I know that we are supposed to be saving water and recycling and I'm all for that. I'm also for eating, paying my bills and living a normal life.....which I haven't done since "that damned pool" turned green!

It's a BROTHER!

I got the sweetest and most welcome phone call this afternoon. When I answered my cell phone it was my little buddy, Trenton, (my bestest friend) and he said, "Guess what, Nana. I'm having a brother!" This was particularly good news since Trenton had already informed Nana and Popaw last weekend that if the baby is a girl he is giving her to us. I love my grandkids but I'm thinking I'm a bit too old and too tired to start over with diapers, formula, sleepless nights, colic....but I digress. While I'm certain that we will get numerous chances to keep "the kids," I am fairly certain that Kristin and Scott would not just give away their child....right? Right?

Trenton is very excited about the prospect of having a sibling. I think he believes his brother will enter this world already walking, talking and ready to play. I'm not sure that he understands yet that this scrawny little scrunchy faced sibling will demand mommy's and Scott's time and attention and that he, Trenton, really won't be getting anything out of this new arrangement for quite some time. "What's in it for me?" comes to mind.

Me? I feel blessed. Whether this baby turned out to be a boy or a girl was inconsequential to me. I just want to rejoice in the blessings of a healthy grandchild to love, hold, cuddle and share with Trenton. I'm already looking forward to the holidays and the sounds and smells an infant brings into a holiday home. Well....most of the sounds and smells, anyway.

Happy Birthday Little Buddy!

Today we celebrated Trenton's fifth birthday even though his official birthday isn't until June 30th. He will be with his dad on his birthday so we spent today making him feel special...and in the meantime a bit of that "specialness" rained down on the rest of us. The party took place at an indoor facility that had lots of bounce house type activities such as slides, mazes, obstacle courses, etc. Lots of photo ops....LOTS of photo ops. It isn't too extreme to take 324 pictures if you're having a good time, is it?? And, yes, we were having a good time. Kids and adults alike all had smiles on their faces...from all appearances having a good time. Me? I was in my element....with the people who mean the most to me (Ronnie, Kristin, Ryan, Scott, and, of course, Trenton) and spending my time in a way I supremely enjoy (taking pictures). It was a very good day. I think that ANY day spent with the people you love is a very good day. Happy Birthday, Trenton, and here's to MANY, MANY more very good days!

This is Retirement?

Sooo....somehow I thought that after seven years of employment in one office it would be a somewhat traumatic separation when I retired and pulled away from the parking lot that final time. In my mind's eye there was a beautiful mellow Kenny G tune playing in the background as I walked the "receiving line" of colleagues and made my way tearfully to my car. I would look over my shoulder to see my colleagues wiping their eyes and gently waving goodbye. Well, it was nothing like that. It was totally uneventful. It seems that I was one of very few people who even bothered to show up at work. All but one of my administrative team members was "out" for the day. One of my secretaries was already off for the summer and the teaching staff was gone. It was me and one other secretary. As the morning progressed we completed what little work I had left to do and then we, or I should say I, looked for things to do to be busy. The tech guy came in and disabled my computer because some offices were changing so I couldn't even surf the web. After lunch I helped pack up a couple of bookshelves, made myself a WalMart list, and finally, about 12:30, I hugged my co-worker of seven years goodbye and walked to my car and drove off. No line of friends waving....no tears....only the one hug....what a total disappointment. While I totally hate "goodbyes"...come on. It felt like everyone has moved on and I was just in the way....gathering dust as a lame duck. So much for the dramatic departure. And so, my retirement begins...