Why Me?

Normally I am not a "poor, pitiful me" kind of person. I roll with the punches and keep on keeping on. But I have to admit...I'm kinda tired of that attitude. I kinda tired of plastering a smile on my face regardless of the circumstances whether I feel like smiling or not. I'm kinda tired of dodging the curve ball aimed straight at my head. I'm just kinda tired...period. Okay, not kinda tired. Plain old, unadulterated T...I...R...E...D! I'm tired of not being able to sleep more than a couple of hours. I'm tired of being up in the wee hours of the morning with nothing to do and no one to talk to. Let's face it, you can only surf the web just so much or check for Facebook updates just so often. Normal people are not up at these hours updating the FB status. Normal people are sleeping...like I long to do...and can't do. It's not that I'm not sleepy. I am. I just can't STAY asleep. After an hour or two the eyes pop open and there is no more sleeping for at least another two or three hours. Sometimes I am able to go back to sleep after a couple of hours...sometimes...well, not so much. I'm not the kind of person who can lie still and will myself back to sleep. If I am awake I am in constant motion.

Part of my problem is neurological. I have RLS...Restless Leg Syndrome. Really bad. My legs are in constant motion. The medication that I take keeps the sudden, violent jerking at bay most of the time. So, what else?

I'm retired and work when and where I want to so I don't believe that stress is keeping me from my appointment with my pillow. Actually, I am at a very happy place with my life (other than the fact that I haven't won the lottery and am not filthy rich). As I said, I work when and where I want. I'm making giant strides toward establishing my winery business...and I absolutely LOVE making wine. Hubby is healthy. Kids and their families are healthy. I have my boy, Beau, to dote on me. We bought an RV this summer so that we can travel and enjoy more "me" and/or "us" time. While I'm sad about totaling my Jeep, I do love Chablis, my Chevy Impala that I replaced it with. I have wonderful friends and family. Life is good.

So why the hell can't I sleep??? Riddle me that, Batman! Did I do something to piss off Mr. Sandman? Maybe I should check out Craigslist or ebay and see if anyone has some sweet dreams for sale. Right now, at 2:33 a.m. it feels as if that is the only way I'm going to experience the blessed relief of slumberland.

Is this a pity party? Damned straight it is...and I am the guest of honor. Now, quit reading this blog and let me get some rest before it gets serious and I hurt someone!