Saturday, September 17, 2011

Why Me?

Normally I am not a "poor, pitiful me" kind of person. I roll with the punches and keep on keeping on. But I have to admit...I'm kinda tired of that attitude. I kinda tired of plastering a smile on my face regardless of the circumstances whether I feel like smiling or not. I'm kinda tired of dodging the curve ball aimed straight at my head. I'm just kinda tired...period. Okay, not kinda tired. Plain old, unadulterated T...I...R...E...D! I'm tired of not being able to sleep more than a couple of hours. I'm tired of being up in the wee hours of the morning with nothing to do and no one to talk to. Let's face it, you can only surf the web just so much or check for Facebook updates just so often. Normal people are not up at these hours updating the FB status. Normal people are sleeping...like I long to do...and can't do. It's not that I'm not sleepy. I am. I just can't STAY asleep. After an hour or two the eyes pop open and there is no more sleeping for at least another two or three hours. Sometimes I am able to go back to sleep after a couple of hours...sometimes...well, not so much. I'm not the kind of person who can lie still and will myself back to sleep. If I am awake I am in constant motion.

Part of my problem is neurological. I have RLS...Restless Leg Syndrome. Really bad. My legs are in constant motion. The medication that I take keeps the sudden, violent jerking at bay most of the time. So, what else?

I'm retired and work when and where I want to so I don't believe that stress is keeping me from my appointment with my pillow. Actually, I am at a very happy place with my life (other than the fact that I haven't won the lottery and am not filthy rich). As I said, I work when and where I want. I'm making giant strides toward establishing my winery business...and I absolutely LOVE making wine. Hubby is healthy. Kids and their families are healthy. I have my boy, Beau, to dote on me. We bought an RV this summer so that we can travel and enjoy more "me" and/or "us" time. While I'm sad about totaling my Jeep, I do love Chablis, my Chevy Impala that I replaced it with. I have wonderful friends and family. Life is good.

So why the hell can't I sleep??? Riddle me that, Batman! Did I do something to piss off Mr. Sandman? Maybe I should check out Craigslist or ebay and see if anyone has some sweet dreams for sale. Right now, at 2:33 a.m. it feels as if that is the only way I'm going to experience the blessed relief of slumberland.

Is this a pity party? Damned straight it is...and I am the guest of honor. Now, quit reading this blog and let me get some rest before it gets serious and I hurt someone!

Monday, September 12, 2011

Do as I say...not as I do!

For a long time...like ever since I became an adult...I have bitched about people who jump start the holidays. We both know them. Those people who put their Christmas tree up before we even celebrate Thanksgiving. I believe that each holiday deserves its own season in the sun, so to speak. I have never...repeat, NEVER, put out my holiday decorations early...

So I must now hang my head in shame (though there is still a smile on my face) as I confess to you that I put out my holiday decorations yesterday...on September 11th! What? No, not my CHRISTMAS decorations...my HALLOWEEN decorations. I was inspired to do so by my daughter, by a website with cool decorations on it, and by the hope that if it looked like Halloween then maybe we would get Halloweenish weather.

While I am nowhere near through decorating, I did get a good start (particularly in the wine room).

Liver specimen

Heart specimen

Eyes and Brain Specimens

"Lab" Counter

Witch's Brew

Grim Reaper

Spider

Wino Spider

Bathroom Attendant

Halloween Wine

Lanterns

Halloween Flag

Tombstone

Snake Wreath

Menu

Kitchen Bar

Rats coming from floor

Unfinished Kitchen Table

Stalker

Cauldron (Is this where I cook up my brew?)

Landscape Lights

"Hanging Basket"


Welcome to my parlor...

Miscellaneous Halloween Decor



Okay...it won't make HGTV and I will NEVER have my own show, but it's fun and I like it.

I still need to label my Halloween wine: Nightmare. I need to finish the mantle in the living room. I need to finish the tablescape in the dining area. I need to...So much to do and only seven weeks in which to get it done!!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

September 11th...I Remember!

I remember. Even as I sit here typing this my chest tightens, my breathing becomes shallow, my mouth is dry and my eyes are threatening to leak...

Ten years ago today I was at work. I was the principal at Scurry-Rosser Elementary School...a position I had officially held for six weeks. I remember the excitement of that new job...that new campus...that new community...those new coworkers...all the things that come about with a new job. I had replaced someone who was...ummm...less that proficient. I was eager to prove to my staff that I wasn't retiring TO Scurry-Rosser but was there to work my butt off to make things better UNTIL I retired somewhere in the distant future. I was eager to prove to myself that, after my last experience, I was still a valuable employee who actually did know what I was doing and who could, without being micro-managed, bring about positive things for my school, my students, my staff, my community and myself. That being said, I was all over that building...constantly checking in on things...getting to know my building...my staff...the curriculum...

I remember that I had just stepped into my office when I got "that" phone call...the one that stops your heart. Innocent enough, my husband called me to tell me that he had completed his physical for work and there were concerns about his EKG. His "T waves" were depressed (whatever that means...it isn't good) and they wanted him to have a heart catheterization which he had dutifully scheduled for the following Monday. While on the phone he told me that a plane had hit one of the towers in New York. Believing it to be a tragic accident, we talked on about his upcoming procedure and how I would take off work to accompany him to Medical Center Plano where the procedure would be done. In and out in a couple of hours...we'd have lunch out...hadn't had a lot of time together in recent weeks because of the new job and my OCD tendencies and wanting to be perfect...Whatever. I remember Ronnie being in midsentence when his tone changed and he said, "Oh, my God! It just happened again! A plane has hit the other tower! I think we are under attack!" I don't remember hanging up the phone. I don't remember a lot of things...it all became a blur. However, there are many things that I do remember. I remember that the phones began ringing off the wall. We went into lockdown and asked the teachers to turn off their computers and cell phones. I did not want the students to hear about this incident via our computers or overhearing a teacher who was alerted by their cell phone. I went door-to-door to tell the teachers what was happening. We had students and staff members who had relatives in the military and stationed in or near the middle east. The phones began ringing off the hook with frantic parents being released from their jobs in Dallas and headed home to pick up their children. I literally stood at the front door for hours that afternoon to identify parents and call into the building for their children to be released. I will NEVER forget the faces of the parents...terrified. I will never forget the faces of the children...bewildered. I will never forget the faces of my staff...determined, yet broken. All of that while in the back of my mind I kept hearing my husband's voice saying, "There's a problem with my EKG. I'm sure it's nothing but they want me to go to the hospital and have this test."

Somehow we made it through that day and made it home to be glued in front of the television for updates on what was going on. Images flowed through the air into our home and seared themselves into my brain. I remember watching the footage of the second plane hitting the tower. I remember the faces of the citizens on the street caught by the cameras, both professional and amateur, as the second plane plowed into the other tower. And how could any forget? I remember the look on the face of our President as he sat in an elementary school classroom and a presidential assistant leaned in and whispered something into his ear. I will never be able to forget that look. My heart broke for President Bush...trapped in a position where he could not react to the news. He was, after all, in a room full of children. He was the man we would be watching to gauge his reaction and determine for ourselves how to react to the events that would be taking place over the days...weeks...months...and even years ahead.

I remember being at work in the following days. I remember needing a break from the overwhelming chaos swirling around me. I remember going outside and standing on the playground. I remember staring up into the sky and being overwhelmed by the quiet. No planes in the sky. No white vapor trails chasing each other among the clouds. Just clear, blue, quiet sky. As peaceful as it may sound, I remember being frightened by that.

The days ahead raced by and became a blur. I remember taking my husband to the hospital on Sept. 17th for his heart catheterization. I remember the doctor coming out to tell me that he found several severe blockages and that they could not allow him to go home for fear of the procedure causing a heart attack. I remember him saying that Ronnie would need heart surgery. I remember that the doctor was concerned that they might not be able to get their hands on enough blood for the surgery due to the events of 9/11. I remember making the phone calls to my children...to my family...to my boss. My husband has family in the community in which I was working and I had to let family know before I called my boss. I didn't want them to hear about it from school. It's a small community and word travels fast! After that my memory gets a little swiss-cheese like. I remember standing by my husband's bed at some point and watching the 9/11 fundraiser on television. I remember not going home for 9 days as my husband began his recovery from triple bypass surgery...a recovery consisting on one step forward and two steps back.

I am a very tender-hearted person. Thankfully, my husband's surgery kept me from focusing on the events of the time. It kept me from seeing the footage of those brave souls that, faced with the inevitable, jumped from those towers to their deaths. It kept me from the daily reports of the rescue efforts, the stories of police and firefighters sacrificing their own safety...their lives...in the recovery efforts. It kept me from "experiencing" 9/11 in the same way that many people experienced it.

My own 9/11 experience is unique. Unique to me. Ronnie's surgery and recovery was complicated. While the surgery went well...the recovery was a roller coaster ride. Ronnie's heart developed a "sawtooth pattern." People commonly refer to that as atrial fibrillation, or A-fib. It was necessary to perform a procedure in which they took Ronnie into a surgical suite, sedated him, and then used "the paddles" to stop his heart and then restart it in a regular pattern. A-fib. A problem he still faces today and takes medicine for routinely. At any rate, these complications kept me distracted, but not immune, from world events. Facing the fear of losing my husband and my life as I knew it, I felt great empathy for those who experienced loss in that cowardly ambush of America. I understood their fear of the unknown. I felt it. I "got" it. But most of all...I WILL NEVER FORGET IT!!

God, have mercy on and bless our nation! May we always be able to say, "I Remember!"

Friday, September 9, 2011

A little of this & a little of that...

What should one do when they awaken at 4:00 a.m. and go can't go back to sleep? Why, update the old blog, of course!

Since last we chatted...well, I blogged and you read, I have returned to work part time. Okay...I worked every day this week, but that was an exception! Actually, I worked one day the first week, one day the second week, Monday was a holiday, and I have worked all four of the remaining days this week. Well, it's EARLY on Friday morning and technically I haven't worked it yet, but I am scheduled to do so. I have worked the bulk of my days at Shannon Elementary, which is fine with me. I love the staff there and it's close to home so...why not? My only complaint is that when I have time away from kids...say, like summer vacation...and then go back to work I tend to get sick right away. Those little buggers and their nasty little germs! Woke up this morning with the sore throat from Hades!! Praying it's not strep. That's going around (in fact, one of the teachers I subbed two days for had it!). I understand it is a particularly nasty strain of strep. My son-in-law has it as well. Been there, done that, not interested in going there again!

Initially I was concerned about how my ankle would hold up to working all day. I have my answer and...it's not a particularly encouraging one. It swells like a demon, hurts like heck, and by the end of the day I'm limping like Festus on Gunsmoke (yeah, don't pretend that you're too young to know who that is!). I come home, settle into my recliner with a glass of wine and promptly fall soundly asleep waking only when my wine is no longer chilled...but I drink it anyway!

In addition to returning to work, I am hard at work trying to get my wine business off the ground. I have my TTB (federal) permit as of August 25th and am awaiting word on my TABC (state) permit. I am also trying to get my labels approved by TTB but that online page isn't working at the moment. They are estimating that it takes 38 days for label approval. Once all that is accomplished I am a legitimate business enterprise! Yay!!! In the meantime I am conducting wine tastings and sharing my business card and beverages at every opportunity I get. Apparently I am a popular sub. For some reason the teachers like having me in their classroom. They say I know what I'm doing. Lol! I should hope so. After 30 years in education...but, that is a digression best saved for some other time. Anyhoo...when they ask me to leave my phone number so that they can call me directly...I whip out a Once Upon A Vine business card and write my cell number on it. A subtle way to introduce them to OUAV! Okay, maybe it's not so subtle...but it's working.

I am constantly brewing and bottling so that when I get my permits I have an inventory and can really start promoting the business. There is a large wine tasting (dubbed Sip 'n Suds) scheduled for October on the roof of a loft in Deep Ellum. The hostess makes and sells high end soaps...thus the name Sip 'n Suds. I'm really looking forward to that tasting. I think it will be great fun!

I have also formed a Bunco group that will meet once a month to play Bunco. What a fun group!! I am the only one who already knew everyone else, but these ladies got together and it was like we had all known each other forever! They were were teasing each other, sharing personal stories and just generally having a great time together. ::insert pat on the back here:: I picked the membership well even if I do have to say so myself! Of course, it probably didn't hurt that one of the ladies brought her margarita machine as her part of the pot luck!!!

Well, my friends, it is nearing 6:00 a.m. Time for me to "get up" and get dressed for work. As of 3:45 today it will officially be my weekend. Can't wait!!

Till next time...keep on keeping on!~carol