It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

I saw it last night...the first Christmas commercial on television. It may not have actually been the first to air, but it is the first that I have seen. It seems that every year Christmas gets pushed earlier and earlier on the unsuspecting public. While I love Christmas...my favorite holiday...I prefer to celebrate Halloween before Thanksgiving, Thanksgiving before Christmas, Christmas before New Years, etc., etc., etc. You get the picture, I'm sure.

I must admit that this year is a bit different. In just a few short hours I will leave the house to meet my daughter and off we will go to FINISH my Christmas shopping! I have never had my shopping done so early before. I stress over getting it done...though I have NEVER not been ready when the celebration actually begins. This year I started shopping several months ago. I had to get things done early this year because we are leaving on December 4th to spend the night in Galveston with 10 of our closest friends ::snicker::. Actually, the 11 of us are leaving the following day on a 7 day cruise to the Bahamas about Carnival Cruise Lines. If it wasn't a party cruise line before it certainly will be when we get on board. Headed out with us are BIL & SIL Glen and Carlene, neighbors Vince and Judy, neighbors Freddy and Kay, neighbors Joe and Timpy and niece Shannon. I am so looking forward to this cruise. But I digress... Suffice it to say that I would not enjoy one minute of the cruise if my shopping wasn't finished. I am a worrier. That's what I do.

Last year Christmas shopping seemed so easy because the kids all wanted money. For some reason this year seems even easier. Each close family member (i.e., son, sons-in-law, and daughter) gets one big gift and then a nice stocking filled with somewhat expensive goodies. Not the usual Target Dollar Spot stuff that I am accustomed to. My son and one son-in-law are getting...oops, I forgot that Scott may have access to this through Kristin's blog. Sorry to disappoint, Scott, if you do read this blog, but there will be no hints for you. The other son-in-law is getting a recliner. It's no big secret. It's what he asked for. He even found it at Overstock.com and sent me the item number. How easy is that?::chuckle:: I am fairly certain that he will not be surprised on Christmas. My only problem with that is "How does one wrap a recliner???" My daughter is getting the perfect gift. No, Kristin, no hints for you either. Dad and Dad-in-law (does that make him a dil?::he he he::) are getting Wal-Mart gift cards. White elephant gifts and close friends are wine baskets and I am making personalized etched wine glasses filled with peppermints for the staff at Quest. I have several gifts already wrapped. Yea, me! I am feeling pretty good right now.

As Kristin and I hit the stores today I will start AND FINISH Christmas shopping for both of my little boys. Being "old" I don't pay close attention to the toy market. It has become our habit for Kristin to pick out the toys, put them in my basket and walk to the register with me so I can purchase them. A hard day, right? LOL Not only do I get my Christmas shopping done, I get to spend time with my daughter..my best friend. I get to talk with her without interruption. I get to observe the beautiful and intelligent young woman she has become...though she will be "old" soon. Turns 30 on March 24th. Just kidding, Kristin. With your spirit you will NEVER be old. Again, digression. Anyway, this has become a very special and meaningful time for me.

When I leave Kristin and return home with a car load of goodies, I will drag out the decorations, drink a little wine, put the tree in place, drink a little wine, wrap the gifts, drink a little wine, Christmasize my house, drink a little wine and fall into bed with a sigh of contentment and a smile on my face. Once again, I will be ready for Christmas...only this time I will be able to relax and enjoy the season without the stress of last minute minutia.

Oh, my gosh! Thanksgiving is next week! What in the world am I going to fix for the family pot luck??? I'd better get to the store. But, oh wait, I have to make a list first...then decide what I am going to wear, then ................What are you laughing at??? I said stressing is what I do!

Happy Holidays everyone!!

"F You, too."

Sometimes I hate myself. I am so damn gullible and easily manipulated. You'd think that I would learn, but no...

The signs were everywhere and I didn't see them. I can't really blame anyone but myself, really. If I was half the mother I aspire to be I would have stepped in a long time ago...but I let guilt get to me. Sympathy overrode my common sense.

My daughter doesn't come to the house and visit or bring the boys because she doesn't want them around my dad.

My son, because of something my dad said, will no longer see his grandfather. Apparently on top of being a drunk, my dad is a liar as well.

As a mom I should have told my dad he had to go. I felt sorry for him. He has no one else. He has nowhere else to go. He lives on a fixed income and times are tough. The biggest excuse of all...he is my dad. I am all he has. I can't abandon him.

After his last drunken episode Daddy was told that the trailer had to go. He's been fixing it up "to sell it" for several days now. He asked for the title that I had filed a couple of days ago because he wanted to "look it over." I believed every word of it.

Tonight the proverbial shit hit the fan. Daddy went to the doctor today for tests on his legs. He chose not to come home tonight...went to my cousins house instead. I know that he and my cousin go to the VFW together so...I called him and told him that I had taken off work tomorrow and would go with him to an alcohol assessment program in Oak Cliff. His immediate response was no, Oak Cliff is dangerous. When I told him that it was non-negotiable he said we would talk about it when he got home tomorrow. I said, "No, we are going to the assessment tomorrow. Be home by 10:00 a.m." He said he probably couldn't get up and get home that early. He told me to go on and go to work tomorrow and we would talk about it. I told him no, I was off work and we were going. Ronnie got on the phone and said, "Luther, you're going or you can't live here anymore." Daddy proceeded to call Ronnie a son of a bitch and then attempted to hang up on him. He failed to disconnect however and I listened for almost five minutes to him telling my cousin that he was going to leave Sunday anyway as soon as we went out of town. I heard him lie about not knowing why we wanted him to go to assessment because he hadn't been drinking. I heard him call my husband names when all we have attempted to do is provide him with a home. After about 5 minutes I hung up, called him back and repeated word for word the lies and names I heard him call. I told him he is no longer welcome to live in our home because he lies about us, manipulates us and is a stinkin' drunk who won't get help. I told him that I will not sacrifice my marriage on the alter of his drunkenness. He said, "Sis, I don't want any hard feelings." I said, "You know, it's too late for that." He thought he hung up on me when he turned to my cousin and said, "I showed her. I hung up on her." I overheard stories of him saying he was going to get the sheriff and come get his stuff. He doesn't need a sheriff. His shit is packed and waiting on him. He said something, too, about getting a gun. I don't know if it was a threat or not, but if I find out that he was threatening to bring a gun to my home to coerce us to do something I will make sure that his unstable ass is committed.

Bottom line...I have had it. His living here for one year has taken it's toll on both of us, on our home life and on our marriage. I won't allow that to happen. If my father decides to drink himself to death...that will be his choice. He won't let us help him. It will be what it will be. And I am okay with that.

Thanks for Sharing...

My business partner and I left last Thursday and headed 4 1/2 hours north to Bricktown, Oklahoma. We were headed to a winery there called "Put a Cork in It." The owner, a delightful man named John, and his stepdaughter, Morgan, were allowing us to invade their space for two full days so we could observe and learn from them. Ron came up on Saturday and jumped into the winemaking process with both feet (figuratively speaking).

I can't tell you how much I learned...or how much FUN I had. Not only did I get to bottle, cork, seal and label a wine called "Red Dirt Road," I got to conduct wine tastings with customers and sell them glasses and bottles of wine. I got to stock the wine racks, wash the glasses...do it all. It was a BLAST!! Oh yeah, Morgan even insisted that I take my tips! LOL!! Saturday was b..u..s..y!! They sold $2000+ and they are only open from 1pm to 9pm. We were hoppin' the whole time. It was an incredible experience and I can't wait to get my winery open so I can do this all the time!

I have to stop here to tell you that John and Morgan are some of the most giving, unselfish people that I have ever met. John did not hesitate to give us tips and shortcuts and tell us of obstacles to avoid. He shared his "secrets" such as the tools he has developed himself and even gave us his password to accounts so that we could look at wholesale prices for equipment and supplies. He is kind and patient and easy to develop a relationship with. After just a few minutes I felt we were lifelong friends. Morgan is a precious young woman of 26 who treated us as equals rather than the rookies we are. She gave help when needed and was generous with her time and help.

In addition to the wealth of knowledge (and 2 bottles of Red Dirt Road!) that I took away from this experience is the committment to provide that same type of unselfish mentoring to anyone who approaches us at Once Upon a Vine for our help. Not all lessons are "head" lessons...some are lessons of the heart. Thank you, John and Morgan, for sharing with us. May we continue to be friends for many years to come.

Deja Vu...and Screw You

My dad threw a giant, if figurative, "Screw You" at me last night. Not that I am all that surprised. Ronnie had been warning me and I had been fighting it...and him. Comments like, "You just can't forgive and forget, can you?" or "Does nobody get a second chance with you?" or even, "What about innocent until proven guilty?"

What am I talking about? Ronnie had tried to tell me that he thought my dad was still drinking. I vehemently denied it and said that there was no "EVIDENCE" to back that up...only his speculation.

It was more than speculation when we came home from a wonderful day playing with our youngest grandson and then out to eat with my boys and my BIL and SIL. My dad's trailer door was standing open and the keys were in the door. The trailer was completely dark and it was already dark outside. Just inside the door my drunk-on-his-ass father was lying in the floor where he had fallen. He is 5'5" and weighs 180 lbs. Not a lightweight. It took Ronnie on one side and me on the other lifting and tugging and pulling to get him to his feet. It took us over half an hour to get him from the trailer into the house. He got as far as the living room when he just buckled to the floor. We didn't have the strength to get him up. He lay in the floor for about 10 minutes while we got our strength back. During that time he peed all over himself. Great scene for a daughter to witness. Did wonders to my respect for him. Finally we got him in bed. I went to bed...after apologizing to my husband for refusing to listen to him. He only wants me to not get hurt again. I understand that...but he was talking about "My Daddy."

About 20 minutes after I went to bed I heard Ronnie turn on the shower. I lay there in the dark thinking about this mess when I heard a loud crash. Ronnie flung open the bedroom door and said, "Help me. He's fallen in the bathroom." Seems Daddy had gotten up to wash his face or something and splashed water everywhere. Then his crutch slipped on the watery tile and he crashed to the floor. We got him back in bed and I got pissed. I got the keys to the trailer and Ronnie and I went out there and found the stash of beer cans (all empty) hidden in the microwave. Oh, no. He wasn't keeping secrets or trying to hide anything. Didn't find any unopened cans or any other liquor but we did unload and bring all of his guns in the house and hid them.

Today will be a day of reckoning. I intend to tell my Dad that he has to move. No, he may not take the trailer. He will sign over everything to me and he will move into assisted living. Period. I will go through and empty the trailer and sell it. He is no longer going to have that option. His only other option is to enter Alcoholics Anonymous if he wants to stay here. He went to 2 meetings before and quit because it was too smoky. They offer it at the church now. The trailer still goes. And he will spend NO nights away from home. It seems when he went to the lake with his girlfriend he was drinking down there and she knew it. He has quit going by her house and has been stopping off at "a friend's house" where he has been drinking as well.

The bottom line to all this is that I turned a corner today. I am not crying. I am not hurt. I am not upset. I am matter-of-fact and the fact of the matter is that I just don't want my dad living with me anymore. I don't want to know how stupid he can be. I don't want to lose any more respect for him...if there's any left to lose. I don't even like the man he has become and I don't want to be around him. He is a conniving, secretive bastard who has been gloating at my blind allegiance while he took advantage and played me for a fool. I'm done.

Stupid Is as Stupid Does...

It's no secret that I have the fifth broken bone in a foot in the last 10 months. In November, 2009, I broke the 3rd and 4th metatarsals in my left foot. Then in April I broke the fifth metatarsal in my right foot. Thirty six hours after getting out of the fracture boot I broke the second metatarsal in my right foot. While in the soft cast I broke the fourth metatarsal in the right foot. So, with all that you'd think I would take it easy, right? Right? Not so much. Yesterday I went to the fair with hubby and the big boys. We spent seven hours walking around the midway, through the new car and exhibition buildings and just generally enjoying the beautiful Sunday afternoon State Fair atmosphere. Toward the end of the day my foot was "complaining." During the night I was awakened numerous times with throbbing in my foot. Today, I couldn't even go to work. My foot is too sore to even stand on. It is swelling so badly I may have to cut the soft cast off just to get circulation going. It burns like a fire inside my foot.

I get it. I deserve this. I should have known better and should have taken better care of me. But, in my defense, the lure of the Fair...the beautiful day...the opportunity to spend time with my boys...it was an offer I couldn't refuse. Now, when my SIL calls and says, "Hey, ya'll want to go to the Fair with us?" I wonder how I will respond???

The straw that broke the camel's back or the step that broke my foot?

Well, I'm a bit discouraged right now. No, I'm a lot discouraged. See, I have had this problem with first my left foot breaking and then my right. I totally understand why the left foot broke. I participated in the Susan G. Komen 60 mile 3-Day Event in Dallas last year. After 38 miles I had stress fractures. No big deal...seven weeks in a fracture boot and it's all good. Except it's not. Took that stinkin' foot 6 months to heal where it no longer hurt when I walked. Then in mid-July I broke the metatarsal bone (one leading to the toe) on the baby toe of my right foot. Okay...six more weeks in the fracture boot. By this time the boot is wearing out and I'm having to hold it together with extra velcro. This time the boot came off on Labor Day. To be clear, that's Monday, September 5, 2010. On Wednesday morning (two days later) my foot started hurting again...but not in the same place. I figured it's just the transition back to shoes. Well, the pain went on for two weeks before I went back to the doctor. He said, "I think you've torn a tendon. But you need to see a specialist." So, today I left work early and headed to see Dr. Steven Branchau, a foot and ankle specialist. I LOVE him!! He is so friendly and personable. Really easy to talk to and doesn't throw doctor speak at you. Yep, you guessed it. ANOTHER broken metatarsal. This time it's the second little piggie...the one next to the big toe. The bottom line is that my metatarsal bone leading to my big toe has shifted away from the other bones and is no longer providing the support they need. Those bones just roll and move around when I walk now. Dr. Branchau said it's like a piece of wire. Bend it back and forth enough and it's going to break. Every step I take bends those bones. So, as I sit her now in pain from the manipulation and positions I had to put my foot in for x-rays, I am in a "soft cast" and an "unna boot." Basically that means I am in a cast to the ankle that firms up but remains flexible so my ankle can bend. On top of that is an ace wrap. On top of that is a giant, ugly black post-op velcro shoe. After a couple of weeks in this we will decide whether to stay with this or go back to the boot. I HATE the boot and am never going back to it if I have my say. As to the future...looks like orthotic inserts in my shoes may keep me from having to have surgery. Yea for no surgery!!

One Giant Leap for Womankind...

Well, the word is out. I guess the understatement is that I can't keep an exciting secret to well. I keep secrets that others tell me. I just can't keep my own!

For those that haven't already heard, I am in the process of opening a winery in Rockwall with a business partner. My partner chooses to remain anonymous at this time since she is afraid that association with this endeavor will jeopardize her current employment.

The exciting part is that we have rented a sight.

The dull and boring part is that we are in the process of writing a business plan, applying for a loan, applying for federal and state permits, etc. The mundane of opening a business. We are incredibly excited and believe that this business is going to be a hit...located in The Harbor.

I am blogging our progress. I am just not ready to publish that blog yet.

FYI:
*We have someone who will stain our concrete floors.
*We have someone working on the logo.
*We have someone who will install our sound system.
*We have located all the equipment that we will need except the beer tap
*We still need someone who can construct the bar area but we have made contacts in that area.
*We have researched and located all the merchandise we will carry.
*We will make our own wine!
*You will be able to batch your own wine for special occasions!
*We have a marketing manager.
*We have a winemaster to make the wine.
*We hope to be open on or before Feb. 1, 2011

Now, you're up to date. As soon as I can, I will make the blog public.