Doctor, doctor, gimme the news....

The diagnosis is in. It's official. I have been diagnosed with...Spring Fever! Of course, it was a self-diagnosis, but I believe that makes it even more accurate. Beware! I understand it is highly contagious.

Symptoms of Spring Fever include, but are not limited to the following:

An uncontrollable desire to pick up the alarm clock and hurl it through the nearest widow...open or not. This desire is usually initiated upon the incessant buzzing/ringing/chirping, etc. of said alarm clock. Do not...I repeat...DO NOT give in to this desire as it can result in costly repairs, replacement of said alarm clock, loss of employment, etc.

Spontaneous cravings to be a spectator is outdoor sporting events such as TEXAS RANGER BASEBALL! A little sun, a little partaking in the consumption of adult beverages, a little "fellowshipping" with family, friends and fans...aahhhhhh! The only time that I can determine this activity to be dangerous is if it results in repeated absences from work. Proceed with caution!

Visual acuity. That's right. You suddenly develop an eagle-eye for every weed, empty spot in the flower bed and landscaping faux paux in your immediate proximity along with an insatiable need to "fix" everything at one time. This can be hazardous to your budget as you stroll through your nearest Home Depot or Lowe's suddenly desperately needing every tool known to mankind along with bedding plants, soil preparation materials, mulch, fertilizer, bug killer, etc., etc., etc.

Narcolepsy. That ability to instantly fall asleep during your favorite television program right when it gets to the best part.

And finally, the relegation of gainful employment to last place on the priority list. While it may appear otherwise, this is usually a Lose/Lose situation. While the loss of a job may net you freedom and control over your own schedule and how you spend your time, it will also result in an immediate reduction in funds which then determines how you can AFFORD to spend your time. Not a good thing.

So, if you find yourself experiencing any of the above symptoms, do not seek medical attention. There is absolutely nothing that they can do. Instead, look at your calendar, look at your budget and determine when and how much you can afford to wallow in the symptoms of your "illness." Good luck to you, mate. Not to discourage you, but I'm fighting this battle and it seems to be uphill. Arg! Summer, you need to put in an appearance really soon!!!