No Regrets...

I am so very grateful that we took Daddy on the cruise in January. He had the best time and so many first time life experiences. It was fun for me to see the experience through his eyes as a first time cruiser...something we have come to love.

Five days after we returned from the cruise on January 31, Daddy went into the hospital with another case of pneumonia. He had additional complications with his acid reflux but the pneumonia seemed to respond to treatment very quickly. Seemed to. After several days of "not feeling good" Daddy went in to see his doctor. The pneumonia was still there. Two shots and three prescriptions later he was supposed to be on the road to recovery. He's not.

The latest problem is that Daddy's blood pressure is ridiculously low. He gets up most mornings and feels fairly decent for about 2 hours and it's all downhill after that. He is concerned...as we all are...but I've never known him not to just blow things off as "I'll get over it soon enough." Last Thursday he was feeling so badly that he was talking to me about things to take care of after he passes. Did I still have the key to his safe? Did I know where his bank was to pay for his funeral expenses, etc. It is so very difficult for me to hear these things. He is my dad. He is invincible. He is immortal. Right?

It has been over two weeks since Daddy has even left the house. He takes a shower, he eats, he sleeps and he watches television. I no longer feel comfortable leaving the house for more than a couple of hours at a time if he is going to be alone. On Saturday, Ronnie and I went to Winstar for gambling and a concert. I made plans to skip out on the trip unless his girlfriend, Lila, was able to come to the house and stay with him. It's like he has to have a babysitter now. I don't know why, but this never occured to me. I never thought about the fact that he might need to have someone with him 24/7. It breaks my heart. Daddy has always been an independent man who could build anything, fix anything, make anything work. Now...he is feeble.

In truth, Daddy may bounce back from this latest health issue, or he may not. Even if he does improve and gain some independence back, I worry because each episode takes him longer to recover from. I know the inevitability. That's why I am living these days without regrets. So what if the house isn't spotless if I get to sit with my Dad over a cup of coffee in the morning. So what if I have to spend money that I don't really have because he wants "to go to Shreveport one more time" once he gets to feeling better. I am his only survivor. I will inherit everything when he is gone. It's probably not much, but I would trade everything for him to just feel better again.