"F You, too."

Sometimes I hate myself. I am so damn gullible and easily manipulated. You'd think that I would learn, but no...

The signs were everywhere and I didn't see them. I can't really blame anyone but myself, really. If I was half the mother I aspire to be I would have stepped in a long time ago...but I let guilt get to me. Sympathy overrode my common sense.

My daughter doesn't come to the house and visit or bring the boys because she doesn't want them around my dad.

My son, because of something my dad said, will no longer see his grandfather. Apparently on top of being a drunk, my dad is a liar as well.

As a mom I should have told my dad he had to go. I felt sorry for him. He has no one else. He has nowhere else to go. He lives on a fixed income and times are tough. The biggest excuse of all...he is my dad. I am all he has. I can't abandon him.

After his last drunken episode Daddy was told that the trailer had to go. He's been fixing it up "to sell it" for several days now. He asked for the title that I had filed a couple of days ago because he wanted to "look it over." I believed every word of it.

Tonight the proverbial shit hit the fan. Daddy went to the doctor today for tests on his legs. He chose not to come home tonight...went to my cousins house instead. I know that he and my cousin go to the VFW together so...I called him and told him that I had taken off work tomorrow and would go with him to an alcohol assessment program in Oak Cliff. His immediate response was no, Oak Cliff is dangerous. When I told him that it was non-negotiable he said we would talk about it when he got home tomorrow. I said, "No, we are going to the assessment tomorrow. Be home by 10:00 a.m." He said he probably couldn't get up and get home that early. He told me to go on and go to work tomorrow and we would talk about it. I told him no, I was off work and we were going. Ronnie got on the phone and said, "Luther, you're going or you can't live here anymore." Daddy proceeded to call Ronnie a son of a bitch and then attempted to hang up on him. He failed to disconnect however and I listened for almost five minutes to him telling my cousin that he was going to leave Sunday anyway as soon as we went out of town. I heard him lie about not knowing why we wanted him to go to assessment because he hadn't been drinking. I heard him call my husband names when all we have attempted to do is provide him with a home. After about 5 minutes I hung up, called him back and repeated word for word the lies and names I heard him call. I told him he is no longer welcome to live in our home because he lies about us, manipulates us and is a stinkin' drunk who won't get help. I told him that I will not sacrifice my marriage on the alter of his drunkenness. He said, "Sis, I don't want any hard feelings." I said, "You know, it's too late for that." He thought he hung up on me when he turned to my cousin and said, "I showed her. I hung up on her." I overheard stories of him saying he was going to get the sheriff and come get his stuff. He doesn't need a sheriff. His shit is packed and waiting on him. He said something, too, about getting a gun. I don't know if it was a threat or not, but if I find out that he was threatening to bring a gun to my home to coerce us to do something I will make sure that his unstable ass is committed.

Bottom line...I have had it. His living here for one year has taken it's toll on both of us, on our home life and on our marriage. I won't allow that to happen. If my father decides to drink himself to death...that will be his choice. He won't let us help him. It will be what it will be. And I am okay with that.