Deja Vu...and Screw You

My dad threw a giant, if figurative, "Screw You" at me last night. Not that I am all that surprised. Ronnie had been warning me and I had been fighting it...and him. Comments like, "You just can't forgive and forget, can you?" or "Does nobody get a second chance with you?" or even, "What about innocent until proven guilty?"

What am I talking about? Ronnie had tried to tell me that he thought my dad was still drinking. I vehemently denied it and said that there was no "EVIDENCE" to back that up...only his speculation.

It was more than speculation when we came home from a wonderful day playing with our youngest grandson and then out to eat with my boys and my BIL and SIL. My dad's trailer door was standing open and the keys were in the door. The trailer was completely dark and it was already dark outside. Just inside the door my drunk-on-his-ass father was lying in the floor where he had fallen. He is 5'5" and weighs 180 lbs. Not a lightweight. It took Ronnie on one side and me on the other lifting and tugging and pulling to get him to his feet. It took us over half an hour to get him from the trailer into the house. He got as far as the living room when he just buckled to the floor. We didn't have the strength to get him up. He lay in the floor for about 10 minutes while we got our strength back. During that time he peed all over himself. Great scene for a daughter to witness. Did wonders to my respect for him. Finally we got him in bed. I went to bed...after apologizing to my husband for refusing to listen to him. He only wants me to not get hurt again. I understand that...but he was talking about "My Daddy."

About 20 minutes after I went to bed I heard Ronnie turn on the shower. I lay there in the dark thinking about this mess when I heard a loud crash. Ronnie flung open the bedroom door and said, "Help me. He's fallen in the bathroom." Seems Daddy had gotten up to wash his face or something and splashed water everywhere. Then his crutch slipped on the watery tile and he crashed to the floor. We got him back in bed and I got pissed. I got the keys to the trailer and Ronnie and I went out there and found the stash of beer cans (all empty) hidden in the microwave. Oh, no. He wasn't keeping secrets or trying to hide anything. Didn't find any unopened cans or any other liquor but we did unload and bring all of his guns in the house and hid them.

Today will be a day of reckoning. I intend to tell my Dad that he has to move. No, he may not take the trailer. He will sign over everything to me and he will move into assisted living. Period. I will go through and empty the trailer and sell it. He is no longer going to have that option. His only other option is to enter Alcoholics Anonymous if he wants to stay here. He went to 2 meetings before and quit because it was too smoky. They offer it at the church now. The trailer still goes. And he will spend NO nights away from home. It seems when he went to the lake with his girlfriend he was drinking down there and she knew it. He has quit going by her house and has been stopping off at "a friend's house" where he has been drinking as well.

The bottom line to all this is that I turned a corner today. I am not crying. I am not hurt. I am not upset. I am matter-of-fact and the fact of the matter is that I just don't want my dad living with me anymore. I don't want to know how stupid he can be. I don't want to lose any more respect for him...if there's any left to lose. I don't even like the man he has become and I don't want to be around him. He is a conniving, secretive bastard who has been gloating at my blind allegiance while he took advantage and played me for a fool. I'm done.