"F You, too."

Sometimes I hate myself. I am so damn gullible and easily manipulated. You'd think that I would learn, but no...

The signs were everywhere and I didn't see them. I can't really blame anyone but myself, really. If I was half the mother I aspire to be I would have stepped in a long time ago...but I let guilt get to me. Sympathy overrode my common sense.

My daughter doesn't come to the house and visit or bring the boys because she doesn't want them around my dad.

My son, because of something my dad said, will no longer see his grandfather. Apparently on top of being a drunk, my dad is a liar as well.

As a mom I should have told my dad he had to go. I felt sorry for him. He has no one else. He has nowhere else to go. He lives on a fixed income and times are tough. The biggest excuse of all...he is my dad. I am all he has. I can't abandon him.

After his last drunken episode Daddy was told that the trailer had to go. He's been fixing it up "to sell it" for several days now. He asked for the title that I had filed a couple of days ago because he wanted to "look it over." I believed every word of it.

Tonight the proverbial shit hit the fan. Daddy went to the doctor today for tests on his legs. He chose not to come home tonight...went to my cousins house instead. I know that he and my cousin go to the VFW together so...I called him and told him that I had taken off work tomorrow and would go with him to an alcohol assessment program in Oak Cliff. His immediate response was no, Oak Cliff is dangerous. When I told him that it was non-negotiable he said we would talk about it when he got home tomorrow. I said, "No, we are going to the assessment tomorrow. Be home by 10:00 a.m." He said he probably couldn't get up and get home that early. He told me to go on and go to work tomorrow and we would talk about it. I told him no, I was off work and we were going. Ronnie got on the phone and said, "Luther, you're going or you can't live here anymore." Daddy proceeded to call Ronnie a son of a bitch and then attempted to hang up on him. He failed to disconnect however and I listened for almost five minutes to him telling my cousin that he was going to leave Sunday anyway as soon as we went out of town. I heard him lie about not knowing why we wanted him to go to assessment because he hadn't been drinking. I heard him call my husband names when all we have attempted to do is provide him with a home. After about 5 minutes I hung up, called him back and repeated word for word the lies and names I heard him call. I told him he is no longer welcome to live in our home because he lies about us, manipulates us and is a stinkin' drunk who won't get help. I told him that I will not sacrifice my marriage on the alter of his drunkenness. He said, "Sis, I don't want any hard feelings." I said, "You know, it's too late for that." He thought he hung up on me when he turned to my cousin and said, "I showed her. I hung up on her." I overheard stories of him saying he was going to get the sheriff and come get his stuff. He doesn't need a sheriff. His shit is packed and waiting on him. He said something, too, about getting a gun. I don't know if it was a threat or not, but if I find out that he was threatening to bring a gun to my home to coerce us to do something I will make sure that his unstable ass is committed.

Bottom line...I have had it. His living here for one year has taken it's toll on both of us, on our home life and on our marriage. I won't allow that to happen. If my father decides to drink himself to death...that will be his choice. He won't let us help him. It will be what it will be. And I am okay with that.

Thanks for Sharing...

My business partner and I left last Thursday and headed 4 1/2 hours north to Bricktown, Oklahoma. We were headed to a winery there called "Put a Cork in It." The owner, a delightful man named John, and his stepdaughter, Morgan, were allowing us to invade their space for two full days so we could observe and learn from them. Ron came up on Saturday and jumped into the winemaking process with both feet (figuratively speaking).

I can't tell you how much I learned...or how much FUN I had. Not only did I get to bottle, cork, seal and label a wine called "Red Dirt Road," I got to conduct wine tastings with customers and sell them glasses and bottles of wine. I got to stock the wine racks, wash the glasses...do it all. It was a BLAST!! Oh yeah, Morgan even insisted that I take my tips! LOL!! Saturday was b..u..s..y!! They sold $2000+ and they are only open from 1pm to 9pm. We were hoppin' the whole time. It was an incredible experience and I can't wait to get my winery open so I can do this all the time!

I have to stop here to tell you that John and Morgan are some of the most giving, unselfish people that I have ever met. John did not hesitate to give us tips and shortcuts and tell us of obstacles to avoid. He shared his "secrets" such as the tools he has developed himself and even gave us his password to accounts so that we could look at wholesale prices for equipment and supplies. He is kind and patient and easy to develop a relationship with. After just a few minutes I felt we were lifelong friends. Morgan is a precious young woman of 26 who treated us as equals rather than the rookies we are. She gave help when needed and was generous with her time and help.

In addition to the wealth of knowledge (and 2 bottles of Red Dirt Road!) that I took away from this experience is the committment to provide that same type of unselfish mentoring to anyone who approaches us at Once Upon a Vine for our help. Not all lessons are "head" lessons...some are lessons of the heart. Thank you, John and Morgan, for sharing with us. May we continue to be friends for many years to come.

Deja Vu...and Screw You

My dad threw a giant, if figurative, "Screw You" at me last night. Not that I am all that surprised. Ronnie had been warning me and I had been fighting it...and him. Comments like, "You just can't forgive and forget, can you?" or "Does nobody get a second chance with you?" or even, "What about innocent until proven guilty?"

What am I talking about? Ronnie had tried to tell me that he thought my dad was still drinking. I vehemently denied it and said that there was no "EVIDENCE" to back that up...only his speculation.

It was more than speculation when we came home from a wonderful day playing with our youngest grandson and then out to eat with my boys and my BIL and SIL. My dad's trailer door was standing open and the keys were in the door. The trailer was completely dark and it was already dark outside. Just inside the door my drunk-on-his-ass father was lying in the floor where he had fallen. He is 5'5" and weighs 180 lbs. Not a lightweight. It took Ronnie on one side and me on the other lifting and tugging and pulling to get him to his feet. It took us over half an hour to get him from the trailer into the house. He got as far as the living room when he just buckled to the floor. We didn't have the strength to get him up. He lay in the floor for about 10 minutes while we got our strength back. During that time he peed all over himself. Great scene for a daughter to witness. Did wonders to my respect for him. Finally we got him in bed. I went to bed...after apologizing to my husband for refusing to listen to him. He only wants me to not get hurt again. I understand that...but he was talking about "My Daddy."

About 20 minutes after I went to bed I heard Ronnie turn on the shower. I lay there in the dark thinking about this mess when I heard a loud crash. Ronnie flung open the bedroom door and said, "Help me. He's fallen in the bathroom." Seems Daddy had gotten up to wash his face or something and splashed water everywhere. Then his crutch slipped on the watery tile and he crashed to the floor. We got him back in bed and I got pissed. I got the keys to the trailer and Ronnie and I went out there and found the stash of beer cans (all empty) hidden in the microwave. Oh, no. He wasn't keeping secrets or trying to hide anything. Didn't find any unopened cans or any other liquor but we did unload and bring all of his guns in the house and hid them.

Today will be a day of reckoning. I intend to tell my Dad that he has to move. No, he may not take the trailer. He will sign over everything to me and he will move into assisted living. Period. I will go through and empty the trailer and sell it. He is no longer going to have that option. His only other option is to enter Alcoholics Anonymous if he wants to stay here. He went to 2 meetings before and quit because it was too smoky. They offer it at the church now. The trailer still goes. And he will spend NO nights away from home. It seems when he went to the lake with his girlfriend he was drinking down there and she knew it. He has quit going by her house and has been stopping off at "a friend's house" where he has been drinking as well.

The bottom line to all this is that I turned a corner today. I am not crying. I am not hurt. I am not upset. I am matter-of-fact and the fact of the matter is that I just don't want my dad living with me anymore. I don't want to know how stupid he can be. I don't want to lose any more respect for him...if there's any left to lose. I don't even like the man he has become and I don't want to be around him. He is a conniving, secretive bastard who has been gloating at my blind allegiance while he took advantage and played me for a fool. I'm done.